Alphabet Challenge
A
I have been bullied into doing this
A is for Area Boy assuming his Big post
(A-Z is from my 2005 book: My Time ; so no one shuo
come here and say I am against their ‘candidate’
Sadly there is a lack of meritocracy in Naija and
keys posts are held by the wrong people. There are two main Guys i would
mention. Sir George Goldie CEO United African Company 1879. He was trading in
Southern Nigeria with 'harsh methods' that would not have been tolerated in
England but all is fair in 'area'. He was the Master Mind behind the concept of
Nigeria and created the culture of repatriating money abroad to England. A
Culture followed till today.
Goldie was the original Jagaban of Nigeria but boys
no wan read books. No light
Next is Sir Frederick Lugard. Governor General of
Nigeria 1914 to 1919. This gentleman had methods of diplomacy that were under
pined by the Maxim gun (Sign here or die resisting!) He would never have rose
to leadership in England but all is fair in 'area'.
The culture he created of a totalitarian leadership
and abuse of power still exists today in Naija Government. To these 'Area Boys'
Nigeria was just a place to do business, chop small, make some money for
England, and live as lords.
Naija is still providing 'spare parts' for Europe
Alphabet Challenge
B for the Babes he is planning to toast
Area Boys in power is a tragedy, akin to slaves on horses
and princes on foot. Having power with no regards to the responsibility to
serve the people, the area boy is on a path to violently pillage the society. Since
men love women, power gives him an opportunity to have his pick of women. With money,
he cares not about how the babes feel. Afterall when buying a ram for Christmas
you don’t ask the rams about how they feel about the sale. The babes in turn
live above their means. Wigs, phones and clothes cost money as do foreign holidays
and the babes have no means. An African sage with vast knowledge of ancient economic
principles spoke about the Babes centuries ago. He said, Money for hand,
back for ground
Alphabet Challenge
C for the contracts that will pay off his debts
C is indeed for Contracts for the Area Boy in Power. Those
who sponsor his political campaign did so in anticipation of contracts.
Hyperinflated contracts for white elephant projects that guarantees everyone
gets a piece of the Nigerian pie. An African sage with vast knowledge of
ancient economic principles spoke about contracts centuries ago. He said,
you scratch my back, I scratch your back.
Vying for office involves campaigning for four years. Party
primaries cost money. The campaign trial involves travelling across a vast
country at great cost. The people love the spectacle and the the rent-a-crowd
job opportunities. Stomach infrastructure flows. Surprise surprise! The people are
shocked when the politician comes to office and starts to recoup the
expenditure.
Alphabet Challenge
D for the Dozens of bribes he would get
Dozen loads of bribes come to who is in office. Contractors
know they need to out perform the competition so take our newpaper adverts to
wish the politician well on the anniversary of when he bought his electric generation.
Christmas is a special time for bribes masquerading as gifts. An African sage
with vast knowledge of ancient economic principles spoke about bribes centuries
ago. He said, na from where man dey work he go dey chop na.
The politician gets a percentage from any private firm
awarded a contract. (And most times it is his own company)
Alphabet Challenge
E for Enjoyment; the songs and the dance
Lagos is the urban song and dance capital of the world.
There is no surprise there as Lagos is an enjoyment centre. During the oil boom
of the seventies every weekend was an occasion but in homes and on the streets and
in the clubs. Food and drink flowed and musicians with their fingers on the
pulse of the city’s merriment released songs back to back. Sunny Ade, Ebenezer
Obey, Victor Uwaifo and Fela Kuti. The first dance we learnt for a song was
Fela’s Open and Close. This was a Sapa free era when you danced in a state of
over feeding. Despite the current harsh economic climate Afrobeat has become
more virulent than Ebola and the accompanying leg work is just impossible for foreigners
to learn. E shock dem!
Alphabet Challenge
F for the Failure of Good Governance
Failure is never a good word. Governance is important. But
what is governance ? It is a collection of actions that consistently happen within
an organisation in response to various stresses to the system. Checks and
balances spring to mind. There has to be systems in place that holds the people
and those in authority to account. Nobody is perfect. The accountant general
might pay all the wages for the state into his private account but what happens
next is important. Does he get arrested? Or are the salaries left in a high
interest account for 6 months so that he can profit while families go hungry?
In football there is governance on the field. The defender may not want to concede
a goal and might throw a punch and knock out the attacker just before he shoots
to score. Human beings will always do mad things. When they do, governance kicks
in. An African sage with vast knowledge of ancient economic principles spoke
about failed governance centuries ago. He said, na the cat wey tief the fish
dey lead the panel of inquiry into the missing fish.
Alphabet Challenge
G for the Garri the people can’t eat
Garri is made from Cassava and is a staple diet in Nigeria.
It is ubiquitous and serves the country better than any civil servant in post
both as a main course and a snack. Garri made into eba is eaten with soups and
garri soaked in water with added sugar, G Units (peanuts) or milk can be drank
any time at great ease. Garri rises in symbolism from the plate into the
collective pschye of Nigeria. It is an euphemism of everything good. Those
going to wor are said to be going to find their garri when those whose fortunes
have been thwarted by malevolence spirits and their human agents are said to
have had sand poured into their garri.
With inflation the common man finds that he struggles to
afford his daily garri. An African sage with vast knowledge of ancient economic
principles spoke about unattainable garri centuries ago. He said, bad governments
will make garri scarce despite a great cassava harvest and as for the little
garri wey remain, dem must put sand sand inside.
Alphabet Challenge
H for the Hunger that adds to the Heat
Nigerians are hungry for both change and food. For some it’s
a strong desire for a change of food. Sapa’nomics is everywhere and belle dey
gum back. (The stomach is so empty that rather than a bulge, the abdomen sinks
in almost going into the back).
An African sage with vast knowledge of ancient economic
principles spoke about Hunger in the Heat centuries ago. He said, poor man
dey suffer, monkey dey work, baboon dey chop. Sapa’nomics causing Japa’nomics.
The truth is that where every there is hunger, not everyone is hungry. The
workers work, and might eat but the upper class who run things eat and might
not work.
The heat in a tropical country is no surprise but the
factors that brought hunger also brought interrupted electric power supply that
translates into no fans, no air-conditioners but abundance hungry mosquitoes in
the heat (all night long).
Alphabet Challenge
I for Indignation that good people feel.
In a twisted case of tropical irony, the corrupt leaders
also complain about the fall outs of corruption. They vote with their feet and
fly out of Nigeria to Europe for backaches and headaches because like all the
citizens they are appalled at the standard of Healthcare in the country. The
Council for the Regulation of Engineering in Nigeria (COREN), says it has
registered 67, 548 engineering practitioners in the country as at September 25,
2020.
The roads are still bad. The indignation continues
There about 10,000 Nigerians Doctors practising in the UK.
The indignation continues
There about 8,000 Nigerian Doctors and Dentists in the USA.
The indignation continues
Japa therapeutics for the curation of Sapa Pathological manifestations
An African sage with vast knowledge of ancient economic and
psychological principles spoke about indignation centuries ago. He said, when
you are in bed in your hut hungry and the sweet aroma of your wife’s cooking
drifts across the village to your nostrils from her lover’s kitchen and you
know where she is, you are actually in
bed with your second wife called indignation.
Wahala no dey finish but hope faith and creative problem
solving MUST never finish
Alphabet Challenge
J for the Jobs that can’t pay the bills
Ma fi billing pa mi. There is always a bill after every
human activity. The bill comes to do either one these two things; kill you or
enhance your reputation as a capable somebori. Jobs pay a wage as the labourer
is worthy of his salary. It is the salary that makes it possible for the worker
to have transportation to go to a home where he reunites with a well fed family
all happy to see him. Then he returns the next day for work while the kids go
to school; an education paid for by his salary. I did not attend Harvard Business
School but I do know that the said salary must be in excess of the total family
bills. Once an economy starts to fail, inflation ensures that the basics cannot
be afforded and the crime rate goes up. An African sage with vast knowledge of
ancient economic and psychological principles spoke about poorly paid jobs centuries
ago. He said, no romance without finance. There will be frustration in the ozzaaaroom ooo!!!!!.
While a poorly paid job is better than no job. A job than
cannot paid the bills no bi work o, na management o. (Saint Augustine
Business School. The Rovers Campus).
Alphabet Challenge
K is for the K leg affecting the country.
The Orthopaedic Surgeons call it Genu Valgum. When the
deformity is pronounced it produces a limp that hinders mobility. All nations
stand on principles. A walking stick just wouldn’t do. Nations need to develop
, sometimes running uphill. Nigeria appears to be standing on legs riddled with
osteomyelitis and a little gangrene. That
explains what people call the N factor that rears its head in every aspect of national
life (well, excluding Afrobeat, Nollywood, Amala making and baby making. Economy
going down but population going up!)
Nigerian factor : Excuse used to explain away
failures in Nigerian organisations or government. The term is both depressing
and unpatriotic but the general premise is that any activity involving Nigerians
has problems. IN practical terms it is usually activities involving government
and Nigerians past thirty years of age.
An African sage with vast knowledge of ancient economic and orthopaedic
principles spoke about K legs centuries ago. He said, las las, e don cast,
leg wey no straight, break am and then straighten am.
This country will be rebuilt.
Cometh The People
1
Cometh the hour
Cometh the People
Birth the finest hour
O wombs of brave compatriots
Change has come
For all tribes and kindred
The sun sweetly shines with
Rays of hope and inspiration
2
This nation shall be built
From the ashes rise the towers
Join hands with brothers and
sisters
Put strife and hate aside
The years of vile stagnation
Behind us in the past
Our back and hearts are
strengthened
The future is ours to take
3
So ring the bell o People
Our destiny has began
The tears and pains are buried
Faith rises from the soil
Obedience unites a People
As Nigeria insists on change
That hour is upon us
The people shall arise
4
We work hard as a People
We toil and never sleep
We leap across big mountains
Overcoming every foe
Though History points a finger
That mocks our new resolve
Our God sends great assistance
Our compatriots shall excel
5
So tell the unborn nation
Still in the loins of men
Their future will be better
Than what has gone before
For they will be a people
Much mightier than we are
And they will owe their
fortune
To Change that is happening
now
Dr Wilson Orhiunu
Babawilly
03/05/15
Alphabet Challenge
L is for the Lazy who take all
things easy
In times of urgency, some will
say , ‘relax first, I cannot come and kill myself’. These are lazy people lacking
in the discipline to bring their dreams to past. Due to the long hours spent in
bed they have numerous dreams and visions but they just can’t get up. The never
suffer with insomnia rather insomnia suffers from them. I tell all my high
achievers suffering from anxieties and the fear of failure to have a Lazy friend and hand
out with them once a month. The lazy provide an
important service to a society full of stress. They know how to unwind and
are aware of which joints are best to do
so in. The latest music and movies are known to them and they know all the best
gossip. Three hours in their company and you are relaxed, having had the time of
your life. Because the lazy are unwilling to expend energy they may sometimes
come up with the most cost- effective and energy efficient way to get a task
completed.
An African sage with vast
knowledge of ancient economic principles spoke about lazy people centuries ago.
He said, ‘always run difficult tasks by lazy people’. They are geniuses at
delegation and they are expert at never giving jobs to lazy people. Their
motto: this life; I can’t kill myself.
Always bear in mind that today’s ‘laziness’
might be tomorrow’s standard operation procedure
Alphabet Challenge
M for the Motherland, our place in the Sun
The men pined for the Guavas of home in a distant land of
strange tongues and exotic cultures. They sang, Oh my home. Oh my home. When
shall I see my home. When shall I see my native land, I will never forget my
home.
Of course men and women naturalise everywhere. People can
acquire new tastes and new sensibilities. The Motherland could be supressed to
the back of the mind and deceive the brain that the Data is gone (Otilo!) and
all the memories are discarded to a recycle bottomless bin. It takes just one
drum beat and it all comes rushing back to raw consciousness with interest.
When the ancestors call, it is a sound inaudible to the ear’s tympanic
membranes. It is an ancient rhythm heard in the heart (for cardiac chambers
have ears).
An African sage with vast knowledge of ancient economic
principles and human geography spoke about people and their ancestral homestead
centuries ago. He said, home is home.
There is indeed a place in the sun where there is hope for
everyone. Mama Africa gave us our portion of Earth and we affectionately call
it Naija. Some think the ancestors are all male but the prostate gland cannot
bear babies. Our ancestor is doing a head stand with her hair in the Atlantic.
Her crotch is Lokoja and her legs up the Niger and Benue.
And the sun never stops shining.
Alphabet Challenge
N for Nigeria. In potential Number One
The naming ceremony for Nigeria took place behind closed
doors. Flora Shaw heard the name ‘outside’ and decided on it. She appears to be
an aunty that got what she wanted. She was friends with Cecil Rhodes and George
Goldie. She obviously had an eye for men in power but as she couldn’t marry either;
she still didn’t loose guard and so married Lord Lugard. She mentioned
the name Nigeria in an article published in The Times in January 1897 and the
rest became history. She was born in Woolwich and had no children with Lugard.
Her spiritual descendants must be Naija people as they all flock to live in the
Woolwich area till date. An African sage with vast knowledge of ancient economic
and sociological principles spoke about human habitations centuries ago.
He said, monkey no dey born goat but if he adopt goat,
the goat go like to live around monkey family house.
The British came to the Niger Area with their Boys because
it had potential to yield profit for Empire. The potential endures till date.
New mineral discoveries are announced daily. There is indeed a potential for
generate wealth to help Naija people on Naija soil but the goats keep on repatriating
stolen wealth to the Monkey’s banks in the land of Flora Shaw.
Alphabet Challenge
O for October whose first day is ours
Independence means make your own. You write your own vision,
policies and strategies and inform the world about it. When the world writes
your history, economic policies and strategies you are not independent. The
problem with not making your own is that your have to import. And when you run
out of money, you receive loans to import more. If steel is not manufactured,
it has to be imported. The oil in the ground cannot be explored without steel
so the technologies are imported. The Cocoa comes out of the ground with full
chest but there are no global chocolate brands so we sell produce at peanuts
and import chocolate at an Oba’s ransome (Kuti). Just dey play
An African sage with vast knowledge of ancient economic
principles and human behaviour spoke about independence centuries ago. He said,
if you own the drums and play the beat but you do not manufacture the
microphones or the recording equipment, you will think you own Afrobeat but you
don’t. Just dey play
Social media is the new Empire. They have all the Data. If
WhatsApp stops in Nigeria, the nation will stop. Our independence na scam
Manufacturing, Digital, Financial, Military and social media
dependence is the order of the day.
Alphabet Challenge
P for the prayers that go out all hours
We thought the Biblical Prophet Elijah was a bad guy. Why all
this Mount Carmel yabbis to the prophets of Baal na?
And at noon Elijah mocked them, saying, “Cry
aloud, for he is a god. Either he is musing, or he is relieving himself, or he
is on a journey, or perhaps he is asleep and must be awakened.”
Little did I know that people in Nigeria still feel that
their gods are asleep and must be roused with loud prayers from huge loud
speakers. I usually wake up at the first syllable of their prayers but they go
on and on. Churches and Mosques, at the crack of dawn just when your sleep is
sweetest, you hear them.
As a Christian I am all for prayers around the clock. But the
silent ones. The private ones. The gentle prayers. I believe that God will
answer based on faith and not on volume of voice or abundance of words.
An African sage with vast knowledge of ancient economic principles
and spiritual issues spoke about God’s
state of consciousness centuries ago. He said, cow wey no get tail, na God
dey drive am fly, God no dey sleep o
Since the Bible said he who watches over Israel (Nigeria)
will neither slumber nor sleep, biko off mic.
I am a simple man and I want to sleep and slumber in peace.
Still dey pray for me sha.
Alphabet Challenge
Q for the Queen, we are still Commonwealth.
Well, my A to Z poem
was written in 2005. I loved the Queen. Koman beat me.
I returned to the UK on the day Her Majesty died. I had returned
from burying my mum in Nigeria and was already mourning.
I had attended the Commonwealth Games 2023 in my City of
Birmingham and was happy to be part of it.
Some say they are angry about the slave trade and colonialism
and so want nothing to do with the Commonwealth. I don’t feel the same way.
There are many areas of mutual benefit for Nigeria and
England, so while we don’t deny the past we need to think of a future that
would be better for our children than it was for us.
The Queen paid two visits to Nigeria. The first was a 20 day
visit (28/1/1956 to 16/2/1956) and it included a Naija Valentine Day. The
second visit was in December 2003.
God bless the memory of the late Queen Elizabeth the Second
Alphabet Challenge
R for the risks we take with our health
Na wa for Naija men sha. They take too many risks. The biggest
one is when they suspect everything a
Doctor says to be a part of a grand conspiracy.
Some don’t believe in any Virus whatsoever (because they
cannot see them), yet they believe in juju they cannot see.
Some are not too keen on speed limits on the motorway while
others think drink driving once in a while is ok. These are all activities that
can end life prematurely.
Voting in politicians that lack the capacity to improve health
in the country is risky.(Just commissioning large hospitals is not healthcare
provision. Rather it is a ‘contract for the boys’ situation)
Light, running water and a good sewage system would do more
for health than cutting ribbons in front of large white buildings. Affordable
nutrition is the best tablet a human being can get. Putting men in power who
cannot take a wholistic approach to the protection of our collective wellbeing,
human rights to health care and health equality is carelessness.
Each human has a right to health care and health equality.
But the right to vote is superior to the right to receive a robust health
system.
The big shot flies abroad
for the healthcare of himself and his family while his supporters sing his
praises and fight in his name while they do not even have passports that are in
date.
Risky!!!
And while we are on the topic; is the Brazillian Butt Lift really
worth the risk of undergoing anaesthesia?
Ukwu!!!
Alphabet Challenge
S for Stadium, we’re still good at soccer.
A tap in by Nwankwo Kanu was how the press reported the only
goal in Portsmouth FC’s one nil victory over West Bromwich Albion in the FA Cup
semi-final at Wembley on the 5th of April 2008. That was my first
time seeing Kanu in action and my one and only trip to Wembley Stadium. This
was the biggest stadium I had been in till I toured the Nou Camp, Barcelona on
the 16th of November 2022. The UAC Sports ground , now called Teslim
Balogun Stadium Lagos is where I had the fondest soccer memories. Between 1975
to 1980 I watched our St Finbarr’s College Akoka school team play the Principal’s
Cup Football tournament there. Nigeria no doubt has the talents to win a World
Cup someday. But potential is not enough.
We need to organise like Asake. Bring back law and order to
every nook and koro of Nigerian life.
Today there is VAR and we still have disputes. Spare a
thought for our playground football games in the 70s when the goal posts were
marked by stones. Now, for a goal to be allowed, more than 50% of the ball must
go over the inner quarter of the stone. Anything above a quarter was an ‘over
stone’ which meant a disallowed goal. Arguments raged over such high velocity
shots that might have hit the bar and gone in if a bar existed. Action replays were
dramatized with people holding the ball and demonstrating the flight path of
the ball with their biased hands in slow motion.
Football is Nigeria’s national sport. Killing mosquitoes is a
close second followed by switching on the Gen.
Alphabet Challenge
T
T for the tailors who sew our Ancara
Unto Adam also and to his wife did the LORD God make coats of skins, and
clothed them.
Ever since the Almighty God delivered the first tailoring job, the
sartorial mantle has been passed on to Nigerian tailors. They have broken new
ground in weaving thread through fabric creatively to the point that Nigerians
are the best dressed people on the planet. These talented and inspired tailors
go far beyond the prophylaxis of nakedness. They make every head turn when
their clients walk into the room. This cotton fabric is typically bright coloured
and comes alive as if made of vibranium once that afrobeat music starts. The
music goes into the fabric and causes the wearer to move in the style of the
ancestors. Our tailors have excelled in sewing Aso Ebi. They make about 300
million units a year and these ceremonial clothes are shipped worldwide to birthday
parties, weddings and funerals worldwide.
Christmas period can be a problem as our tailors never refuse to take on
jobs and they always promise that, ‘e go ready before Christmas eve’. (Classic
over promising and under delivering). This is the only time our tailors and
Politicians start to sound alike. Christmas and election factors respectively.
That no tailor has been shot for disappointing a client for Christmas is
proof that the first tailor on Earth is on their side.
Once in a while, the ‘what I ordered and what I got’ differs by a
country mile. Story for another day.
Alphabet Challenge U
U for Umbrellas that shield traditional rulers
For 500 years Kano has held yearly Durbars in which the largest parade
of horse men in Africa are on display. Hawan Daushe is that part of the
festivities when the Emir mounts his sensationally decorated horse and leaves
the Palace to pay homage to the Queen Mother at her Palace. A large majestic
umbrella is held high above him by someone whose job it is to protect him from the
sun’s rays and also twirl the fascinating umbrella at breath taking speed. Music,
an entourage of horsemen and acrobats make this one of the most spectacular
displays in Nigeria.
The Europeans came with their Umbrellas when they first came to trade in
the Southern parts of Nigeria. Soon, the rich and important people had umbrellas.
The invasion of Lagos on Boxing Day 1851 by the British started the long
journey towards colonisation and the formation of Nigeria in 1914. The colonialist
needed to protect themselves with Umbrellas and so it became a must have
accessory for the powerful sons of the soil. The shade of trees was for the
common people. The image of the Umbrella being a save place of refuge for everyone
in Nigeria is a romantic idea and probably played a part in one of our main
political parties adopting the Umbrella as a logo. It however appears that only
a select few in Nigeria are protected from the harsh rays of Sapa. There is not
enough room under the umbrellas for everyone.
Alphabet Challenge V
V for the vaccines our children require
It’s a Jungle out there and everyone desires you for
breakfast especially those biological wild animals; the bacteria and viruses.
In war and peace, the capture of your foe’s arsenals for inspection is
imperative. Spying is life sustaining. Once an enemy and his weapons are
captured, the scientists pull them apart while the ‘gentlemen’ interrogate the
captured officers. The next battle goes differently,
augmented by the new intelligence. Just looking at a foe for long hours gives
competitive advantage. That detestable lethal weapon must be studied before
wrestling out a victory. Medical establishments worldwide use the logo of the
snake in the tree.
The Lord told Moses to make a serpent out of
brass and attach it to a pole. When the people were bitten and looked at the
brass serpent, the Lord saved them.
(I am not sure if Shayo guys desiring freedom from their vice
would gain their cure by gazing at Hennessy).
Interestingly Greek juju Hermes hijacked the symbol and
repackaged it as Caduceus
The children need help with seemingly invisible beasts. Just
as an army would not seek to capture 50 thousand soldiers for interrogation,
only a few bits of biological ingredients are needed for the babies to develop
the required learning. They develop immunity without being overcome by a battalion
of beasts. That is the duty of a generation to the next one. Protection, support
and love. Making sure that the babies are not meeting the enemy for the first
time during an invasion of a thousand beasts.
Alphabet Challenge W
W for the water the taps do not bring
Water no get enemy and everyone hates a drought. I recall
that between 1982 and 1984 all my friends called things we didn’t particularly
feel were up to an acceptable standard ‘dry’. There were dry jokes, dry parties
and dry conversations. Things needed to flow. Gist, laughter, drinks and money
had to be in motions (preferably in our direction). It was a slang that came
and went but we all knew where it emanated from, hatred for dry taps.
We had a song in Sunnyfields Primary School
This is the way we wash out hands early in the morning.
The taps of Lagos all flowed in Lagos in the early seventies
and rightly so if I may add. The name Lagos was coined by Portuguese who saw
many bodies of fresh water in town. Lagos is Portuguese for Lakes. There is a
Lagos in Portugal also. In Portugal’s Southwestern coast line the beautiful
City of only about 32,000 people enjoy taps that flow and light switches that
always work.
Nigeria, the Country, was named after the River Niger. Of
Nigeria’s 36 states a few are also named after rivers namely Sokoto, Kaduna,
Osun, Benue, Niger, Cross River, Rivers, Imo and Kogi which houses our main confluence
at Lokoja. Kogi is the Hausa word for River.
Writing about all this water is making me thirsty. Our
boarding houses in FGC Kaduna were named after the great Rivers of Africa and I
was in Zambezi House.
I am as perplexed as you as to why all taps in Nigeria do not
run freely. I don’t like the answer Bob Marley suggested in his song Rat
Race about our abundant fresh water reserves.
Alphabet Challenge X
X is for Xylophone Fuji bands play as they sing
UNESCO says ‘Mount Fuji has inspired artists and poets for centuries’.
Never a truer statement has been uttered bearing in mind the learned Gentlemen
that have graced the courts of Nigerian Music. Of note are the two Barristers
on the mic.
But let us go to the origin. Alhaji Sikiru Ayinde Barrister
while transiting through a busy airport was captivated by a poster of Mount
Fuji. At that moment he decided to name his brand of were music Fuji. He
prospered and soon had a fierce rival Alhaji Kilington Ayinla giving him a run
for his music.
But like a grand master in a shaolin movie the senior
Barrister produced a Junior one to silence everyone. His mentee was Alhaji Ayinde
Marshall Barrister (K1 De Ultimate of the Ade Ori Okin fame)
Fuji has gone from strength to strength introducing various
instruments into the mix. But one thing sets Fuji apart. If you no get voice,
you hide your face. You must be able to sing live and do so for hours.
The Fuji Collabo’s have tickled me no end.
Adewale Ayuba and Jazz man Olofin’s Raise the roof was great.
Pasuma Wonder and The Remedies’ was
sensational in Jeaulosy. I was walking down the streets of Lagos State!
Abass Akande Obesere and Zlatan’s Egungun always has me in
stitches
Egungun be careful, na express you dey go
(Nothing wey Japanese Juju no go see on top Mount Fuji)
Alphabet Challenge
Y is for Yellow, we love to bleach dark skin lighter
The imperfection that mars an object is called a flaw. There
can be no flaw in an original piece of art because it was not drawn from a template.
Everyone is born an original, but people look in the mirror and see flaws. They
then go on to ponder for many months the origins of these flaws. There is
always a gold standard, the so-called flawless ones. Self- improvement and aspiring
to always look one’s best are worthy goals but to improve appearances, one must
know where the current location is and where the destination lies. With personal
appearance, the thin membrane that separates the need to look one’s best from
body dysmorphic disorder is a difficult thing to unravel.
To over come the inertia of complacency one must have a dissatisfaction
with where one is. On the other hand, too much dissatisfaction with where one
is leads to depression. The dissatisfaction of human beings with how they look
is a Billion Dollar industry. Most social medial platforms allow users to ‘filter
out’ their own physical traits which don’t come up to standard (who sets
standards?)
Fela Kuti had a song entitled Yellow Fever in which he
lampooned the Nigerians with title deeds for acres of dark skin who conspire with
chemical collaborators to get light skinned or die trying. The skin bleaching struggle
continues today but the nomenclature has moved on. It is now called skin toning
Z is for Zebra crossings on roads in Abuja
A should have been for Abuja but the Area Boys stole the
show. Perhaps I have saved the best for last. Not that Naija is rich on
savings. There is always a loan past every international corner and Sapa on the
local streets. The cars zoom past but the common man must cross the streets as
there is hope on the other side.
12.12.1991 has a ring to it. (No bi juju bi dat?) This was
the day that Lagos officially abdicated the throne for Abuja to sit on. The
Capital City was born in time for Christmas, and wise men from the east flocked
in.
A should have been for Aso Rock but the Area Boys stole the show.
The dismantled the stage and stole the stole and sound systems too. Unlike Mount
Fuji so many miles away, Aso Rock has no one naming their music after it. The
400 metre high lump of stone has so far inspired no one to do anything great.
Z could have been for Zuma Rock but the Zebras stole the show.
These are dangerous equines that can kill with a kick. No one in Africa saddles
a Zebra and rides it for good reason. It is safer for Zebras to saddle roads so
that we can cross them. The stripes make them easily recognisable. The Old Lady
of Italy understands this as do the Magpies of Newcastle. Noticeability on the
roads as you cross is why the road got painted in the first place. May your eye
sight not fail you when the white paint fades away.
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