Finished Product Disease
September 13, 2016
Email: babawill2000@gmail.com Twitter: @Babawilly
Finished Product Disease (FPD) is a mental illness
you would not find classified in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of
Mental Disorders published by the American Psychiatric Association because I
made the illness up.
I define it as a mental disorder in which a person
desires a favourable outcome or product but has no interest in the processes
that cause raw materials to become finished articles. The incidence of this
malady is one hundred per cent in humans but zero in Vulcans (Star Trek make
believe people) who are logical in all their thought processes.
FPD is what makes a man view Arnold Schwarzenegger
in the documentary film Pumping Iron and rather than drive to
his local gym opts for a trip to the plastic surgeon for biceps and calf
implants. In a world where everyman is a consumer, many think that everything
is a product for sale.
I recall a guy who returned from a party and
immediately started berating his lady for not looking as slim and well-groomed
as the other ladies who had been in attendance. When the shouting match was
over she told him the ladies in question had been recipients of gastric by-pass
and liposuction operations which cost quite a bit. On hearing the cost of a low
weight in advancing years he apologised and vowed to “love the adiposity that
wobbles rhythmically”.
Soup wey sweet na money kill am, so it is imperative for guys to know the prize of
any glittering thing that catches the eye.
Babies and young children are excused from scrutiny
as we expect them to cry for anything they see which looks pleasing to them. An
adult however is expected to know the value of nice things and ask himself if
he is willing to go through what it takes to make nice things available for his
or her pleasure. A wise person who is not aware of the cost will ask discreet
questions of those who know and think hard about the answers obtained.
I remember eating dinner on a particular night and
it suddenly occurred to me that the yams that will peel themselves and fly into
the pot had not been invented. The work of planning and making dinner sometimes
starts three hours before one sits at the table.
Not being home during a meal’s preparation can
slowly induce Finished Product Disease especially if the maker of the meal is
tidy and cleans up all evidence of hard work. It almost appears as if the yam
pottage made itself.
There is no risk of FPD with an untidy chef though.
Yam peelings on the floor, Maggi cube wrappers and onion peelings decorating
the work top tell you someone has been cooking. The unwashed pots and dirty
cooker are also vaccines against FPD where food preparation is concerned. Only
a brave man will ask, ‘why is everywhere so filthy?’, for what usually follows
is a long angry diatribe that involves how women suffer, slavery, insensitive
men, attempted homicide through domestic chores, the lack of a home help, etc,
etc. With such people, even a glass of water from them must be taken with great
gratitude; for peace sake.
The accomplished in any field will perform to a
very high standard and at the same time make it look absolutely effortless; for
years of practice chisels talent into great spectacles. This ease of execution
is what makes people look at a Michael Jackson video and turn up the next week
to audition for a talent contest on national TV. They soon find out that a Star
and Pen torch produce light but with diferring brilliance.
Look before you
leap
Pertinent questions must be asked when we encounter
greatness of any kind.
“I too can do it” might be a true statement for you
but it might take you five years or even another lifetime to achieve the
ambitious emulation.
The deluded always think everything good they see
is for them and the world is full of these people. That is why politicians
vying for office promise ‘un-deliverables’ and people don’t bother to ask what
will be the process or method to actualise all the ambitious promises. They
clap and hope for a miracle rather than think. These same people soon start
cursing the politician when the inevitable happens. What they forget is that
the politician studied them and arrived at the conclusion that FPD was endemic
in the electorate and all he had to do was reel out a list of ‘finished
products’ that will appear automatically once he is sworn into office.
Sweet nothings tickle both the personal and national
ears, inducing euphoric great expectations and give a false and heady hope. But
like big tasty chewing gum, the sweetness soon fades and all you are left with
are bubble gum bubbles full of hot air.
The biggest cohort of FPD sufferers can however be
found among thieves. If they like it, they just take it by any means necessary.
Countries invade weaker nations in land grabbing exercises, men steal money and
valuables from others at gun point; the list is endless. These thieves see no
reason in working hard and waiting for a wage. They care not for process and
must satisfy their appetites on demand. I guess that is why the Police was
invented.
I am not too sure if FPD is involved in
husband-snatching. I guess further research is required.
