MIRANDA
By
Dr Wilson Orhiunu
(Babawilly)
17-01-2009
‘The gifted perform miracles when
they work hard’. Those were the words of Pa Onoriode, Ochuko’s late
grandfather. He had spoken all those years ago, in response to his wife Ma
Onoriode. Ochuko had voiced an ambition to go to university one day and was put
down scornfully by his grand mother. ‘Only a miracle will make that happen’ she
had spat out of her mouth and immediately procured the wrath of her husband.
Ochuko never forgot that day.
Ochuko, now thirty-five years of
age, had already performed many miracles. In his primary school he was the best
in virtually every subject. In secondary school, his nickname was five alive.
So named because he was deemed to be the fifth member of the A team, a popular
TV series at the time.
Ochuko got As in everything. Long
after he left Urhobo College the story was still being told of how a lazy NYSC
teacher had given him an A in a Physics test without reading it. Word got out
and the principal had the paper re marked by
the Head of department for science. Ochuko scored 100% and the grade was
changed to A-star.
At University he bagged a first class
in Petroleum engineering and was begged to stay back in the department and
complete his NYSC year with them. This he did, working very hard on research
projects for a private oil company. When his time to leave came his professors
all wanted him to do his Masters degree with them. The research work Ochuko did
brought a lot of money into the department; money which grew wings and flew
away.
When it became obvious he wouldn’t
change his mind, the threats started. He was told he would never get a job in the
country’s oil industry and no university will touch him. One of the drivers in
the department visited him one night and advised him to run away. No reason was
given. ‘My brother, run o’ he had said before disappearing into the night.
Ochuko had his plans. He had been
awarded a scholarship to study in Scotland 6 months ago and had kept it secret.
He had told only his parents and girl friend, Nene about the letter from the
University of Aberdeen when it came and had sworn them all to secrecy. The day before
he travelled out of Nigeria he told his head of department he was thinking of
taking up the job offer.
Ochuko saw snow for the first time
during his postgraduate years. He missed Warri and more than that he missed his
Nene. Inenevwerha was usually referred to as ‘that girl wey no sabi A-B-C’ by
his equally illiterate relations. They all wanted an educated girl for him.
Nene had no time for books or newspapers but he loved her. She could cook for
Nigeria in the Olympics. He fondly called her his ‘professor of Palm oil’. She
retaliated with ‘my professor of crude oil’.
Before he left for Aberdeen she warned him she
would never leave Warri. Ochuko knew he couldn’t live without her so he studied
hard and got his Masters and PhD in record time.
Ochuko turned down three jobs
abroad before returning to Warri. Within a month he was married and working on
an oil rig.
He worked two weeks on and two
weeks off. When Nene saw his first pay packet she burst into tears.
‘I knew the job was well-payed but
still’ she said between sobs.
Ochuko suggested taking the money
to his father to share amongst the elders, as was the family tradition with
every first salary and meet stern resistance.
‘Your people are poor. Show them
this money and you will never have peace. Just buy wine for your father. That
is enough’ Nene had said. Ochuko didn’t like what she said but he was not about
to waste time quarrelling during his time off .
The oil rig was an exciting place.
It floated on the Atlantic a few kilometres off the southern coast of Nigeria
and was anchored to the seabed. There were over two hundred men and women all
very busy generating oil wealth. They drilled for oil in 12 hourly shifts.
Cooks, all kinds of engineers, technicians, health and safety officers all
lived together at sea. The food was good, the lodgings up to hotel standards
and there was an Internet room, a gym and a games room.
Ochuko loved it here. Throughout
his life he had always gone far from home to improve himself.
In primary school he lived with a
teacher who was a distant relative. His existence was divided into the school
term segment and the ‘holidays in the village’ segment. In secondary school he
was in boarding house, away from distractions. The school was divided along
lines of boarders and day students. Ochuko while in boarding school, lived like
he was in a monastery; totally dedicated to the acquisition of good grades. In
University it was on campus and off campus. Feeling socially isolated on campus
because of his financial limitations, he spent a lot of time in the
departmental library. In those days he was particularly obsessed with solving
mathematical problems. Any blank sheet of paper he found was soon filled up
with numbers and letters.
Now his life was divided into ‘on
shore’ and ‘off shore’. Off shore was where he bettered himself. On shore had
Nene.
After four years on the oil rig
Ochuko felt it was time to build a house. He had been on the move for such a
long time and he felt that his rented accommodation was just like the oil rig,
somebody else’s investment. He wanted his own place and so did the children.
Inenevwerha meant there is joy in
motherhood, in Ochuko’s Urhobo language. Everything about the three children
had been pure joy to Ochuko. The first child delayed in coming. He was always
at the rig when Nene ovulated. She once threatened to paddle a canoe to the rig
when next she was ‘on heat’ and he was away working but it never came to that.
She conceived and two more followed in quick succession.
Whitney Houston’s; saving all my
love for you was their baby-making anthem.
Now the babies were fast growing
and needed a bigger house.
It was a big shock. Ogaga cried and
bit his finger in regret at a life wasted. Ochuko was expecting his senior
brother to scream and hug him. Shout ‘congrats’ and slap his back but no. It
was as if a loved one’s death had been announced.
‘Ogaga, I have only bought two
plots of land. You should be happy. Nobody in the family has ever built a
house’ Ochuko said.
‘Must it be you?’ said Ogaga biting
his index finger and gently shaking his head.
That night, Ochuko told Nene about
it. She didn’t say much. When he had finished she just said ‘jealousy’.
‘But we have two cars. They
actually cost more than the land. Why wasn’t he jealous when I bought the cars?
The restaurant I opened for you, that cost more than the land didn’t it?’ asked
Ochuko
‘My dear Professor of petroleum, PhD but no sense. Can’t you see? He has
a car even though it is not as good as ours. Land is different. Do you know his
friends will make fun of him? His younger brother has a house and he lives in a
one-bedroom squat. Celebrating with you for passing examinations is one thing
but land! Land evokes all kinds of emotions’ Nene had said. He knew at that
instant he could never be close to his senior brother again, that they were in
some kind of deranged competition.
‘From now on, tell no one about our
plans. Especially those family members of yours. I don’t what anybody to come
and kill me in this Warri because of house we haven’t even built’ said Nene.
Ochuko became paranoid. When the
foundation of the house was laid he told no one. Everyone in Nene’s family knew
and seemed genuinely happy for him. Why couldn’t his own blood be happy for him
Ochuko thought. The thoughts soon began to eat at him.
The restaurant was a big success
but it brought with it added pressures. When he came back for his 2 weeks on
shore, Nene no longer had the energy to dot on him. She complained he kept the
children up too late, that he didn’t discipline them well, he spoilt them and
that he undid all the work she did on them for two weeks; on the first day of
his arrival. Ochuko actually began to fell like an intruder. Once when he
accidentally broke a glass tumbler his son had screamed ‘you have broken
mummy’s glass. I will report you when she returns. She will smack you’ he had
laughed at his five year son.
‘Mummy cannot beat me’ he said
‘She can’ he replied. ‘And I will
tell mummy you sat on her settee and put your feet on it’ he added.
‘Does this boy think I don’t own
this house’ Ochuko wondered. To amuse himself, he took his son on a tour of
their new house. ‘Who owns the TV’ he asked.
‘Mummy, she bought it’ he replied.
The little one thought mummy owned everything because he saw mummy pay for
everything. From that day he began to study the children and Nene. What they
said. How they acted. He soon realised he was becoming a paying guest in his
own home. The Nene Hotels he called it.
Feeling ostracized from his
immediate family and his extended one, depression began to set in.
Back on the oil rig he confided in his closest
friend Eseoghene, an engineer they all called MC Garri on account of his loud
singing and enormous appetite.
It was a particularly windy day and
it wasn’t very busy. Eseoghene broke out into song, ‘Marvin Gaye, you’re
gone, but your spirit lives on!’
‘Look, not in the mood for your
Tony Gray songs MC Garri’ snapped Ochuko.
‘Woman trouble?’ asked Eseoghene.
‘How did you know?’ asked Ochuko.
Eseogene took off his helmet and
scratched his head. ‘Every man on this rig has woman trouble. Why do you think
the divorce rate is so high? You have been in love all this time and we have
been waiting for you. Welcome to the club’ said Eseoghene.
‘Look, try and be serious. That my
wife thinks she is an oga’ said Ochuko.
‘You have one of the best wives on
this rig so shut up. There is a technician here, I wouldn’t mention his name
but when he resumes here for his two weeks, another man resumes at his house in
Warri for two weeks on shore, if you know what I mean. At least Nene is making
money’ said Eseoghene.
‘That’s one of the problems. Can
you imagine, last month she made more money than me? I have Phd, but all she
does is cook rice and Ukodo and she made more than me. Do you know we had a row
before I came here? She said I should stop working off shore and go take up the
research job at my old university’ said Ochuko angrily.
‘And what did you do?’
‘I didn’t talk to her for two days.
Didn’t eat her nonsense food. Moved into the boys’ quarters’ said Ochuko
angrily.
‘You fool pass garri. The first
rule of marriage for oil rig workers is settle all quarrels before you go off
shore. There are many men on shore with eyes on Nene’s bakassi. Don’t say I
didn’t warn you’ warned MC Garri.
Ochuko was frustrated with life. Frustrated
with this floating anthill he called an office. It was looking more like a
prison today. He longed for a normal life. An air- conditioned office, a
secretary, meetings on land and relatives he could confide in; who wouldn’t be
overcome with jealousy every time he bought a new toothpick
By the time the shift finished
Ochuko was going mad with inexplicable emotions. He walked to the edge of the
rig and began to talk to himself. Then he looked down at the Atlantic and spat
in it. He began to curse it. Abuse it.
‘Stupid waters. You just sit there
looking. Why didn’t you sink the slave ships when they came? Big for nothing
ocean. They sailed on your belly and you just laid back like a prostitute. Why
did you not swallow up the slave ships? Ugly blue waters’ said Ochuko. He spat
again. He was very angry with the Ocean.
‘Illegal oil barges and ships.
Smuggling guns. Sink them now. Nonsense!’ he screamed.
MC Garri found him.
‘Bros, no come craze here o. You
will only loose your job’ he said. They both walked over to the canteen.
Eseoghene spoke with Garri in his
mouth. ‘Your problem is you are spoilt. One quarrel with your woman and you are
breaking down. People like us who fought physically during our honeymoon, na we
understand marriage’. That made Ochuko laugh.
That night Ochuko had a visitor. An
apparition. A beautiful succubus with flowing wavy black hair walked through
the walls of his room and joined him in bed. He knew he should be frightened
but all he felt was pleasure when she kissed him fully on the lips. In a tight
embrace, they both rose from the bed, suspended in the air for what seemed like
an eternity.
Then as fast as lightening his
clothes were off and they both flew through the wall at great speed, still
locked at the lips. Through the air and down into the water they went. Ochuko
had love like he had never had it before. They frolicked on a magnificent bed
on the ocean floor.
In an instant they were back in his
room talking.
‘So who are you?’ Ochuko asked
‘Miranda. I was sent to you but my
master. He told me you were a bit rude to him. The Atlantic is such a sensitive
man. He told me to teach you a lesson’ she said.
‘That was the best lesion ever’
replied Ochuko smiling.
‘He would have come himself but
that would have meant death for all on this rig. He is a considerate man. You
see, he doesn’t sink vessels. If man decides to bunker oil or trade in slaves,
that’s none of his business. That is all I came to tell you but I couldn’t
resist having you. Good night’ said Miranda before disappearing.
Ochuko told MC Garri about his
vivid dream. ‘Chai! Miranda. Do you know she is sleeping with half the men on
this rig?’ he exclaimed. Ochuko was too embarrassed to continue the
conversation.
Miranda came every night after that
but never showed up on shore. The first time he saw his Nene when he had been
with Miranda, Nene looked completely unattractive.
One night on the rig Miranda said
she had a jealous man friend called the Egbesu Ice man. He had been thrown over
board from a slave ship because he developed diarrhoea and a contagious rash,
which the ships captain feared would spread. Miranda saved him but he was a
wicked spirit. He blamed his people in the creeks for selling him off to the
white slave traders and haunted the villages.
‘When he is angry he turns to ice
and you can see his skeleton so clearly. He has this flaming locks of hair that
burns so brightly and he rides his motorcycle on water. Through the creeks onto
the open ocean. I sometimes ride with him. He kills children though. On the second
day of their lives. That is his revenge’ said Miranda laughing as she spoke.
‘How does he feel about you being
here, loving me?’ asked Ochuko
‘Who said anything about loving
you? I only want some little children for my seabed palace. Then I can go on shore
and kill all your children. Ha!’ said Miranda laughing with a wicked look in
her eyes.
Ochuko was very worried when he
woke up. It was the start of his two weeks on shore. On the helicopter back, he
asked MC Garri about the Egbesu Ice man.
‘A myth being propagated by these
militant youths. All nonsense. These little terrorists claim when they go to
war, their Egbesu ice man goes with them, gilding on the waters and killing all
their enemies. Nonsense’ said MC Garri.
When Ochuko got home he was surprised
to see Nene’s jeep still in the driveway. He found her in the living room and
knew something was wrong. She had a wrapper across her chest and sat motionless
on a tall stool.
‘Professor, wetin happen’ he asked.
She stood and let the wrapper fall
to the ground. There were scratch marks on every part of her naked body. She
turned round and her back was worse.
‘Who is Miranda?’ she asked with
her back still turned to him.
They drove in silence to the
prophet’s house. Nene’s mother recommended him. ‘Very strong anointing for mami
water spirits’ she had said over the phone.
They walked into the large office
and he went straight to business.
‘Your mother has told me about it
but let me hear from you’
Nene shifted uncomfortably in her
chair before blurting out her side of the story.
She said a handsome prince comes
each night to make passionate love to her every night. He claimed it was
retaliation for what Ochuko was doing with his girlfriend.
‘ I told no one as I thought it was
just a silly dream’ said Nene
‘A silly dream’ repeated the
Prophet stroking his beard. He nodded his head for Nene to continue.
‘While he was with me last night,
this Miranda walked in. She had a head full of serpents. When the Prince saw
her he screamed and turned to ice. He head was just a skull and a block of ice.
His hair was ablaze. Next thing a motorbike comes into the room to ferry him
off’ said Nene now crying.
‘To ferry him off’ said the
prophet. He then nodded to Ochuko.
‘Miranda has been visiting me for
weeks. The last time I saw her she threatened to kill my children’ said Ochuko
‘Kill my children’ said the
prophet.
The prophet had them on their knees
and he prayed loud and hard. So hard that Ochuko felt the words like a hammer
hitting away at his insides.
When he vomited, he surprised
himself. Stuff he couldn’t remember eating. Bits of hair, a black ring and a
small moving creature that was half snake and half snail all in a slimy foul
green jelly.
Nene’s was even more colourful. She
had a bit of blood mixed with what she brought up. Ochuko thought he saw
Miranda’s face appear in his vomitus but he wasn’t sure. Nothing in his life to
date had prepared him for this moment.
‘I curse you foul marine spirits in
Jesus name!’ scream the prophet. Nene and Ochuko were too scared to say Amen to
the prayer so the prophet did it himself.
The exorcism lasted for one hour
after which someone walked in with a mop and bucket to clean up the mess.
‘Now you know why I don’t have
carpets’ said the prophet.
‘I will never work off shore again’
said Ochuko, still in a daze.
‘Off shore again’ said the prophet.
In the silence they looked at each
other not knowing what to say. The man with the mob and bucket left the room
leaving behind a strong smell of disinfectant.
‘You can leave now. Come to church
on Sunday in your best clothes. You are going to be renewing your wedding vows’
said the prophet.
THE END.
