Go Down Low
King James
When thou findest thyself at a feast and are plunged into the depths of merriment and lifted high up into the lofty places of oyoyo and miliki, be careful. Be careful lest the DJ bends that sweet arch of enjoyment at the critical moment to the great Kotoka airport and ushers in an Azonto Tsunami via Concorde. Verily verily I say unto you, temptation will come through Olamide (na ni) and he shall seductively implore thee to first of all, go down low. Before thou girdest thy loins and obey his instructions, consider. Art thou able to standest up if thou goest down low? When last goest thee down low? Is there work tomorrow and would you have recovered from thine exertions before then? Is there a good Samaritan in the vicinity, sober and strong enough to lift thee up peradventure thou art stranded on the dance floor like a heap of boiled yams the damsels hath pounded? Art thou in good fellowships with a masseur skilful with his hands and confident in his vocation like a work man with no need to be ashamed? If thine masseuse is female can thou beareth her talons (aka artificial nails) digging into thine flesh during the after party season?
King Afilaka the Third
Shebi we warned you but you no wan gbo. Ẹni tí kò ní igi obì kì í léso. Whoever does not have a kola-nut tree cannot have its fruits. Kabiyesi has spoken! How do the children enjoy the glory of bending down low without the means of performance; strong legs? Can the palm wine tapper reach the tree top without a harness? Can the grasshopper hop without legs? Can I rule my people without a palace? Can I be settled at night without an Olori? Yet I see my subjects aged over thirty attempting the impossible. Take advice in private my daughters and sons ejooor. You all need my fatherly and royal advice to dance that Azonto and prosper in life. Wisdom is everything, draw close to what you need the most. Ẹní gúnyán kalè yóò júbà ọbè A person who has made pounded yams must pay homage to the stew.
King Babawilly (Naija style)
Mai pipo don
lose all their strong leg bicos of modern amenities. In those day African women dey dance the fire dance. Leg hard laik iroko. With firewood for head and pickin for back, dem fit hear music on di way home afta a long day for farm and dem go still get reserve power to bend down low. No shaking o. If party dey anoda village na so community go waka di waka for days. By di time dem reach di party dem for done lose three kilograms each. If na bride price dem dey go pay, dem go carry yams and palm wine follow bodi. No wonder say in those days na feast dem dey tek welcome visitor as visitor don lose weight before arrival. Once visitors reach and yu sing song, na den all dia talent go show. Leg and feet wey dey farm all day go begin contract laik machine. Na so dem go bẹrẹ mọlẹ all nait and dem no go feel am. Shebi dem don waka many miles and di fitness don enta leg. Those na di feet and leg wey wen snake hear dem dey come for bush, snake go pick race. Di kain iron leg wey dey tear cutlass.
Nowadays everybody na ajebuta. So so shoe, so so car rides. Persin go visit friend for moto and befor he arrive he don gain weight from di gala and chin chin wey he buy for road during go slow. Dis na afta he sidon for office all day with di only exercise being trip to photocopier and back. Upon dat snacks for road e go still chop up wen he land friend haus. Awa culture neva upgrade o. We still dey welcome visitor laik say dem waka three days to visit us. We dey prepare feasting table for visitor wey no need di calories. Di only waka wey him do na from car inside compound to living room car; thirty meters pere. Na dis kain big man and big girls no dey fit even pick up dia car keys wey fall for ground. Dem go dey look am for ground like say ground too far. Far pass wen God look di key from heaven sef. Na so driva or passer-by go run come pick di car key give dem as a mark of respect. Who tell una say persin wey old no suppose bend down again. Na di lazy pipo wey no fit go down low , na dem invent dis culture and tradition of picking things up for pseudo-elders. (people over thirty wey hammer moni and big stomach).
But party dey intoxicating and wine dey shack di brain and deceive di memory. Once groove heat up na so DJ so fire Olamide and di fine modern women on finer high heels go obey the clarion call to first of all go down low. As dem descend reach ground, eye go come clear and memory go correct imsef come remember dem say na twenty years ago dem last gather good leg strength. Na dat time dem go see say it is easier to go down than to ascend back up.
Dance floor also get other temptations o. Some damsels dem wey nak low cut jeans and lower cut blouses dey also bend down lowest even bifor music start. Dem laik to dey kneel down to dey greet yu ‘uncle, uncle’ while all dia assets dey juggle for front and di bright lacy red, blue and pink pata dey climb up dia back laik spider man dey fly up wall. Up into di atmosphere up above their jeans e dey climb laik say e dey move from Niger Delta to Abuja. Bros no look o bicos dem fit hypnotize yu. Dis ones na professional bend down low practitioners. Dem dey practice all week to entice you so shine eye. Abi, are you a learner??
King Solomon.
Vanity of vanities, all is vanity. Enjoy the wife of thine youth, whether she bend down low first of all or not at all. Even if she has to do her stretching and warm up first and can only mange a minor stiff graceless bend down low, be thou satisfied with drinking from thine own well. Be proud of what you have and enjoy the ‘moves’ in your family. All things are wearisome. Look! They say, something new. But it was there already; long ago. The azonto was there before our time. There is a time for everything under the heavens, a season to excel in every activity. Be patient for we all will not shine simultaneously. Some will shine on the dance floor but after the party they would be looking for taxis while others shine as they drive off in their Bentleys. We cannot all be the Sister Sledge Greatest Dancer. All is vanity as the same end ultimately awaits everyone who attends a feast. No one lives forever.
King James
Shall one continue standing in powerless legs so that acceptance from our spouse may continue and abound? Shouldest we be consoled to the point of complacency just because we hear, ‘I love you just the way you are? Nay nay nay. For in all things we are more than conquerors. As a man thinketh in his heart so is he and before a woman even thinketh, she is. Practice therefore to show thyself approved. An azonto dancer with powerful legs who needeth not be ashamed. Rightly executing the skelewu, hip hop and azonto with speed, grace and aplomb. Practice is the key.
Babawilly For President
Your legs constitute about eighteen per cent of your body weight, so going down low by way of flexing the hips and knees with an erect spine means you must have the strength and balance to cope with about 82% of your body weight while at the same time moving in time with the beat. (If you weight 100Kg, your legs had to cope with 82Kg! (So much pressure on the knees).The best practice for strength and balance would be to use your own body weight. Balance something fragile and expensive on your head and attempt to crouch down and pick an object off the floor. You might fall a few times and loose a bit of money but with time you would get the hang of it.
King Babawilly (Naija style)
Pipo wey wan excel need to use weight so. Na to squat for gym with laik 30Kg weights dey sweat am out four times a week na ni. No pain no gain. Wen bodi don strong, yua swag go dey kampe. Na so guys go dey spray yu moni bicos why? Yu go dey ko mọlé in slow and gracious motion and dance na moni. If yu no fit go gym, juss dey pactice for kitchen. Wen wata dey fire, no hang around dey waste time to wait for boiling point. Just grab di bag of Olu Olu 10Kg pounded yam flour in a tight embrace and dey do squats, up and down. If yu sweat inside di food sef, na dat one dey sweet pass. Abeg no loose balance enta hot wata come talk say na mi cause yua problem o. Ehen! If pounded yam don go low, ah, no practice with weight-less bag. Juss carry one of yua pickin dey dance up and down. Abeg put mattress for floor first o. Ehen. Wen una fall knock head, make di pickin no come talk say na Babawilly exercise plan cause am to bi olodo for school because of head injury. Dats all
King Afilaka the Third
I am a distinguished and rich elder. I have been on the throne for twenty years now and you are all invited to my party. First of all you will all do bale for Kabiyesi. As you rise up you will drop you gifts in the corner and dance to the royal drummers. Woe betides you if you do not go down low. If it is pride that prevents your dancing in public, then this better ring true in your case- Abúlàńgà kì í ṣasán: bíyàá ò lórò baba a lówó lọwọ. The arrogant person is not arrogant for nothing; if his mother is not wealthy, his father must be rich. You proud people must proceed to drop a second present at my feet and spray my Oloris as they go down low to the sounds of my royal drummers.
References
2. Yoruba Proverbs.. Oyekan Owomoyela. University of Nabraska Press. 2005
Babawilly
Dr Wilson Orhiunu
12-3-2014
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