Of wombs and trees (Downsizing
for success)
A hormonal rumour spread to the womb- ovary axis about an
impending visit. This was not the first or second time a rumour had flowed down
stream full of promise and nothing else yet they began to prepare for the
visitor who always failed to show. ‘May come, should come, might come, probably
would come’, it went on and on. Both parties, (the womb-ovary alliance and the
visitor) had protocol officers who exchanged mails trashing out dietary requirements,
hotel preferences, musical tastes, allergies and the expected date of arrival.
It soon emerged that the visitor intended on this becoming a long stay. The
womb- ovary alliance decided to prepare for a long stay and began to recruit
staff to make the visitor’s stay both comfortable and memorable. Staff were
given contracts and put on the pay roll. A distant relative asked if it was
wise to expend resources on a visitor who might not show up. He was told to
shut up for ‘it is not when the presidential jet arrives at the airport that
the host country starts planning for the visit’. In life you plan long before
the day. You invest for a rainy day when the sun looks like it will shine
forever. The womb refurbished its carpets and recruited the breast department
to prepare the welcome for the visitor. On the said day, the ovary laid out
food and the womb’s red carpet was in pristine condition. The visitor did not
show up. What followed next was a painful meeting where it was decided to get
rid of the womb’s red carpet and the ovary’s egg which both had no second hand
value. The distant relative laughed as he taunted them with the predictable
monthly ‘I told you so’. Every body’s contract was ripped up and the company
down sided. The breast department threatened legal action for unpaid fees but
soon realised that there was no business to sustain the fees as no generation
of revenue for the organisation was likely.
So we move outside
Out in the fields the geographical rumour spread. It was
spring and summer was on the way. The tree was keen to grow its business and
recruited hundreds of leaves. The payroll bill soared and the roots sank deep
into the ground to find the revenue to sustain them. It was exhausting. The
tree was on the brink of bankruptcy for he was paying bright luxuriant leaves
that did nothing but sway in the wind and provide shade to passers by bringing
no profit to the organisation. Just in the nick of time the sun was out in
force and the leaves showed what they were made of. Photosynthesis was in full
swing and the revenue poured in. The gamble was worth it. The new revenues
generated by the leaves combined with what the roots brought in meant a growth
to new heights previously unheard of in the history of the field. The tree
stood proud winning award after award and the leaves became the stars of the
organisation. The leaves tripled their population through a vigorous
regeneration exercise. Everybody was a
winner till summer gave way to autumn. The leaves could not produce as before
and their huge wage bill could not be justified. The painful decision had to be
made. The leaves had to be shed; the whole lot of them. The leaves felt
betrayed and considered legal action. Their lawyers were leaves also and the
day before the case was due the court, the branches got rid of every single
leaf.
Down- sizing, stripping down, losing excess baggage or
stream lining are all universally acceptable concepts that sit well in the
cerebrum so long as you are not the one being gotten rid of in a cost cutting
exercise. Then the emotions kick in. Who can really be objective when given a
chair and a cup of tea then told that they have become surplus to requirements?
Instantly your hours of unpaid over -time flash before your eyes and anger
rises like the cost of oil. Law abiding individuals have been known to
transform into rabid arsonists when faced with such a painful dismissal.
However one could plan for days like this by knowing that
when business is good and one serves a purpose everybody is all smiles. When
usefulness is out lived or business slows down, the knife is wielded. A few examples for the light to bounce off
will be expedient here.
The appendix is tolerated till it gets infected. The
intestines count their losses and the surgeon does his thing. The politician in
the run up to an election needs a large entourage on his pay roll. As soon as
victory is secured it is every man to his tent. Though the political thug might
feel dumped, how on earth did he expect illiterates to be rewarded with
ministry jobs?
There is a place for loyalty and ‘till death do us part’
alliances but these are far and few between. Most of the time, ventures are
entered into only for a season and not knowing what season you are in can lead
to a big shock. Some people even go far as to say that they need to ‘upgrade’
on their loved ones from time to time and suddenly brandish the romantic red
card followed by the substitution board.
Finally, life can be like a triathlon. At the start you lay
aside every weight and slip into your swim suit, hat and googles. Travelling
through the water your swim suit feels one with your body and a symbiosis
develops. Just when things are getting cosy, the swimsuit is dumped for a
bicycle and the hat foe a helmet. With pedals moving the chains and the wheels,
man and machine harmoniously cover distance. The bicycle carries the weight of
his partner in sport while enduring his farts but in the end he gets ditched
for the running shoes which take our man over the finish line and up to collect
the finisher’s medal. The running shoe is dumb founded when taken home and put
in the bin. He remembers how white and fresh he was when he was chosen in the
sports shop as the perfect fit on the day of his purchase. As he was laced on,
he thought he had found his life’s purpose. Through hours of training he had
grown familiar with every metatarsal and toe nail. He had fallen in love with
the heel and now stationed in the bin he realises his beloved heel will be
wrapped in another pair of running shoes soon.
So the lesson is this. It is alright to be the bicycle in
your friend’s triathlon but don’t be shocked if he does not cross the finish
line with you. You should have offered your services to a Tour de France
cyclist.
Even the most intimate of unions; that between the spirit
and body endures not forever. One day the spirit will just up and go leaving
behind a body for burial. You better chop up well and prepare to meet your
maker. Chai!!!!
Babawilly
Dr Wilson Orhiunu
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