You have heard them say it is the food, the clothes and the
friends that sum you up. You are what you eat says the Gastronomist . The
clothes maketh the man bellows the designers. Show me your friends and I will
tell you who you are for birds of a feather cruise in private planes together
said the parent worried about the company being kept by their kids shouts out.
Well as if that was not enough, here I come with a new one. You are what you
remember for memory is king. I reached this conclusion (rightly or wrongly)
after reviewing my conversations I had last week.
Mr Eclipse of the Sun
In a bid to tell me
how bad his life was he reeled out about fourteen adverse events that had
happened to him in the last four years with such clarity you just knew he had
rehearsed these incidents in his mind a thousand times. If being sorry for
yourself was an examination, he would have scored a first class. As he spoke,
he face was a picture of misery proving he relived each painful minute from his
past as he spoke. He was like a giant African snail; slow to positive judgements
and quick to withdraw into his shell of misfortune from where no positive ideas
could reach him. He had a counter argument for every suggestion I gave about
ways he could turn things around. He was like a top lawyer who knew the
previous cases very well. He had well informed proof that life (or at least his
life) was down and sinking lower without any hope for improvement. He was
articulate which meant he had clarity in his mind that life sucks and he was
keeping it real and living the nightmare.
Pretty Miss Sunshine
She smiled and it seems that a cool breeze emanated from
both ears. Life was grand and everything was nice. She told of her gratitude
for this, her luck with that and of being blessed with this. She recalled how it
had been nice for many years. It was like hearing Julie Andrews sing Favourite
things in the Sound of Music only that everything was Miss Sunshine’s favourite
thing. I began to consider nominating her for an Oscar (Best Actress in a Lying
role) for life could not really be this sweet. Looking into her eyes I saw
traces of sincerity but I was not fully convinced hence I decided to advocate
for the devil temporarily thus, ‘You have never been bereaved I suppose’.
‘No, my aunty actually died last year. It was the most
beautiful of services. Just as she would have liked it’ came her reply.
I thought of these two people and how easy it was for one to
recall the gloom and doom while the other had the merry and jolly words rolling
off the tongue with effortless ease and I said to myself, what a wonderful
world!
We all travel down that memory in our brains but like
streets in the UK that bear the same name, memory lanes in the head abound at
different post codes.
Memory lanes
The grateful drive on memory lane always thankful for what
they learnt from all the experiences that stand like houses on their lanes.
The paranoid drive a bitter wagon down the lane and shake
their head in bitter disappointment as they recall all the back stabbers that
have left holes in their back. They are permanently gazing at the rear view
mirror as ‘one cannot be too careful’ on this wicked road called life. The have
very little need for the accelerator. They are either parked or reversing to
see the back view better.
The Super stars drive down memory lane in a limousine and recall
all the awards and good breaks they have had.
The business man goes down the lane of successful deals and his
passion for more business is ignited.
The gloomy go down gloomy lane and even call the day of
their birth gloomy.
The fun lover recalls stories that generate an atmosphere of
fun. Even stories of losing valued possessions are told in a way that makes the
hearers laugh. Comedians all tell you about how things can go wrong. They are
not in denial with positive over-thinking but they explore the funny side to all
those same topics that make the gloomy who they are. That proves that even on the same memory lane
in the same post code of the brain, the spectacles of attitude have affect how
the same thing is seen.
How to travel better down memory lane
If you find yourself always getting lost without a Satnav in
the wrong side of your brain, there are a few things you can do.
The best way to have good memories is to invest in good
actions today. Only those who good swimming, cycling and running today will
experience the euphoria of crossing the finishing line at a triathlon next year
and thus have something to look back at with fondness in five years.
The next thing to do is to use the technique we all use
already and that is the strategic placement pictures of the good events you
want to remember right under your nose.
When you visit a home and you are given a sit in the living room, you
never notice framed pictures of the packets of medication your host takes daily
hanging on the walls or mounted X-ray films of broken or diseased parts. It is
usually graduations, weddings or cute baby pictures. Some put up framed
Diplomas but never letters of dismissal or newspaper cut outs of when they were
sentenced to prison (Prisoner 46664
might be excused here).
If the above fails,
just look for someone worse than you and be grateful you are not as bad as
them.
Babawilly
Dr Wilson Orhiunu
21-7-2014
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