Cannot do, would not do

Can Do? Yes we can!

We all have a close relationship with those things we cannot do. They are talked about all the time just like a favourite child. One lady, on hearing me talk about doing a half marathon gave me a five minute talk on why she couldn’t do a long race. She talked as if I had invited her on a race date.

I too love to be entertained by the unattainable, those things I cannot and would not do. Jumping off burning aeroplanes and detonating nuclear missiles are way above my league but hey!, there is James Bond. Body building contests and probably most of the Olympic Games are opportunities to gaze and be amazed with the fitness and physiques of talented and dedicated individuals. And this is an opportunity the whole world never passes up on.

 On the other hand, we are never enraptured by the things we can do, or those skills that we feel are easily attainable with a bit of practice. The unattainable can even rise to become the subject of fantasy and obsession. Reality TV shows where wealth is flaunted serves as an outlet for the millions who feel that a certain lifestyle is simply out of reach in this life time. They look on and wish, until they sigh and saying to themselves ‘if only’.

Apart from the things that are desirable and out of reach, there are the things which are abhorred and deemed beneath ‘civilised people’. These are the behaviours and attitudes which those who inhabit the lofty moral altitudes deem to be contemptible. Day time TV is all about dysfunctional people expressing their pathologies in public.  Many people get the chance to ask ‘have they no shame?’ as they stay glued to the TV. Well, if you would not have eight children by eight baby-mamas, why watch a programme about someone who will? One colleague once told me he likes to know what our taxes pay for by why of social benefits for the idle.

Most of what people spend their time on (either in the thinking or the doing) can be divided into these three groups – what they feel can be done, what they feel cannot be done and what should never be done even if an opportunity arises for it to be  done.

  The Can do zone

These are activities and tasks that are seen as possible. Those around you determine what you think you can do most of the time.  Mr A the nocturnal professional armed robber who relaxes at a sports bar all day, would find it difficult to hang around Mr B who works as a teacher all day and relaxes by spending time with his children most evenings. At the start of each day, everyone has a vision of what they can do that day and there are so many variations on this theme. Hence the adage, one man’s beef is another man’s poison. While some say ‘who can I rob today?’ others say ‘who can I teach today?’

So, what percentage of our waking hours should be spent in the ‘I Can’ zone? This would be doing and achieving things we know are possible. One hundred percent would be a good answer but entertainment takes time.

The cannot do zone

Have you ever meet anyone who told you that they cannot do most things save breathing and sweating when it is hot? They cannot do things within their grasps how much more attempting things that may fail.  Talking to people like this will demonstrate how diligent they are in making mental trips looking for pitfalls. Business is fraught with con men. The government is out to get us all. New cars only draw unnecessary attention. Foreign holidays may end up in accidents. Their list is endless. They have done the research and concluded that they cannot so no one else should. They spent all their time in the cannot zone.

The wouldn’t do that zone

We were watching a James Bond movie (cannot remember which) and he shot somebody dead and stared at the corpse for a few seconds before coming up which a wise crack, adjusting his tie and moving on. ‘This guy is a psychopath, no remorse whatsoever. I couldn’t ever do that’ I heard myself think. That didn’t stop me from watching every single Bond film – twice this year alone.  There is a fascination with murderers, psychopaths, sociopaths and evil people that makes us spend time watching them. High profile murder cases tend to prove popular among people who struggle to kill a fly.  

Yes we Can

Nelson Mandela was quoted as saying ‘It always seems impossible until it is done’. And Barrack Obama is famous for the slogan,’ Yes we can’.

To these two great men I add the Adiddas slogan, ‘Impossible is nothing’ and for good measure Nike’s slogan , ‘Just do it’.

The things we know we can do, we should do. (So go brush your teeth and wear clean clothes).

The things we know we cannot do may

1. Never be possible. But how can we be sure?
2.  Never be possible but we could try anyway ie  Get Rich or die trying (50 cent).
3.  Not be possible in this generation but we start trying so that the next generation starts a head start.
4. Be possible at a later date with developments in technology.

In summary, we can do all things

The things we say we cannot do today may be possible in the future if an enabling environment is achieved.

And the things we cannot do??

Well, entertainment is all about what we cannot and would not do, so let’s keep on watching Spiderman, Batman and Superman as rewards for long hard days of working to make the impossible possible. Yes we can.

Dr Wilson Orhiunu

Babawilly

28-10-2014

Each man an Island

Tuesday Article; quod erat demonstrandum


http://qed.ng/?p=3263#sthash.ginQXBw3.yqQF54j2.dpbs

London Marathon. (Blast from the past)

http://www.nigeriansinamerica.com/articles/1721/1/London-Marathon/Page1.html

What's up with the running Doc?

This is the latest of my weekly Tuesday articles with QED.Ng

As I prepare for the Birmingham Half Marathon on 19-10-2014 I will try here to answer the most frequently asked questions I get about running.

1. Why run?
2. What is chasing you?
3. How long is the distance?
4. Will you finish the race?
5. Why run to raise money for charity? Why don’t you just make a donation?

Why run?

It seems inbuilt in man to run. Kids all run both indoors and outdoors. As they grow older they finally get convinced by adults to walk and some will never run again; hence the obesity crisis. Running is important for escaping danger and our bodies are built for running.

There are many health benefits to obtain from running so it is actually surprising that anyone asks, ‘why run?’ No one asks ‘why eat?’ or ‘why sleep?’ Perhaps the benefits of this form of exercise are eclipsed in peoples’ minds by the supposedly difficulties involved in running.

People usually will avoid hardship whenever possible, so seeing someone willingly walk into hardship makes them wonder why. I do the same whenever I read about those marathon runners who race in the Sahara desert (Are there no graves in London that they travel to the Sahara to die? I think to myself).

The inconveniences of running are –

Breathlessness

People hate the state of breathlessness and would do anything to avoid it for this state is the closest one can get to what it feels like to be dying.  A pounding chest, aching muscles and a sweaty body compounds the displeasure.

Missing out on fun stuff

Running is best done at fixed times. This can mean sacrificing pleasurable activities. Short term gratification is sacrificed for long term gain by indulging in an immediate discomfort. Not very appealing!

Braving extremes of temperature

The heat of summer and the cold of winter naturally make people to seek comfort.  Rain, snow and cold winds produces an urge to stay indoors tucked under a duvet with a cup of warm beverage for company. Leaving the warmth of a comfortable room for the cold rain is counter intuitive.

Losing time

There is usually a lot to do during the day. Running may take up to an hour and that time needs to be found bearing in mind the domestic demands placed on members of families.

Tiredness

At the end of a busy day in the office, people are tired. Why risk increasing the unpleasantness of fatigue by running up the exhaustion bill?

Shame

People have told me they would ‘look silly’ running down the street on account of their numerous wobbly body parts.

Risky roads

Tripping on uneven pavements, being hit by oncoming traffic, being mugged, being attacked by dogs startled when you run round a corner, being caught up and lynched due to mistaken identity when you run into a thief being chased by a mob shouting ‘ole, ole,ole!!’ because you unfortunately are wearing the same colours as the thief  (LOL; Lagos out loud)

What is chasing you? (Wetin dey pursue yu sef?)

This question is mainly from the Nigerian quarters.  It is born out of the proverb that goes thus – the toad running in the day time is either fleeing from a threat or pursuing something lucrative. My answer is that I am fleeing obesity and pursuing fitness

How long is the distance?

A marathon is 26.2 miles long and a Half marathon is 13.1 miles long. D’banj’s maxim- No long thing- does not apply here.

Will you finish the race?

By the grace of God (I am a Nigerian thus there is God in everything we do)

Why race money for charity?

I wondered about this myself when I first came to the UK till I learn how it works here. My formative years were spent in Nigeria where charitable acts were financed through fund raising initiatives where would-be donors gave if they felt the cause was worthy of their money.

The concept of giving because of the difficult of the task to be endured is worthy of your money is how it is done in the UK.  So people run long distances, climb mountains or swim across rivers and ask friends and family to sponsor them with all proceeds going to a designated charity. England’s premier marathon, the Virgin London marathon raises thousands of pounds for UK charities as most of the non- elite participants run to raise money

Marathons

Participants are divided into the Elites and non-elites or fun runners. The Elites (also referred to as Kenyans and Ethiopians) start at the front and are usually the professionals. The fun runners who consist of the serious fun runners who are members of running clubs and the real fun runners who are more interested in taking part, enjoying the day and raising money. Real fun runners would be the ones with the fancy costumes and the ones who smile and wave at the watching crowd.

Personally persona Personally

I personally run Half Marathons as they provide incentive to run throughout the year. Once you register for a race, you know that you will suffer on race day if you do not train. This training is done according to a schedule and not according to the weather or how your feel.

I run with my I-pod and select whatever Ted lectures, music or preaching tapes I need to listen to before leaving the house. If it rains, then I pat myself on the back for battling the elements.

I cope with the breathlessness and muscle pain by telling myself that – no pain, no gain, short term inconvenience for long term health and fitness, short term story, long term glory.

I am one who needs to meditate and pray daily and I fall asleep if I try to do this sitting in a corner. I must keep moving, so in running I kill two to five stones with one bird.

This year I would be raising money for the Home of God’s Grace Orphanage in Ikorodu. Please e-mail me for details if you wish to make a donation.

Creative Fearing

The dread of the present or the future; immediate or distant is what fear is all about. With the exclusion of those imposters who say they are afraid when they are not, most people who claim to fear or act as if they fear, have honest claims. The false ones are the ones who say, ‘I am afraid this relationship must come to an end. It is nothing to do with you. It is me’ or ‘I am afraid we would not be granting you a Visa to the United Kingdom on this occasion’. These false fear proclaimers lack something else beyond the absence of integrity. They lack sweat, for how can you really be afraid without sweating?

Fear has its important uses. Snake crawls into a room, fear spreads like a juicy rumour, everybody reacts like Usain Bolt and the room is promptly vacated. The adrenaline rush helps in times of emergency. It is also useful when an important event is coming up. Not sleeping, brain storming and researching, working hard and aiming for perfection ensures no stone is left unturned in preparations. It is usually better to arrive at this said event over prepared than under prepared. Take a country that fears public ridicule in a world cup year. They plan everything for fear of losing their jobs and respect if things go wrong under the watchful eyes of the international press. They plan their team’s diet, pay their players and coaching staff, book their hotels etc. and when the event comes along, their over planning pays dividends for they will not argue over players’ payments just before matches kick-off. The fear of shame is important for individuals, professionals and countries. Unfortunately some countries fear no shame.

For all the virtues of fear however, it tends to produce more harm than good in the life of people. While it is acceptable to feel a bit edgy with impending examinations, public speaking engagements or job interviews, there are many who fear when there is absolutely nothing to fear. These are the people who create reasons to fear daily and remain faithful to their commitment to being afraid all day long. To these people, should an important event rear its head, they are thrown into a full blown panic.

Creative fearing, like all creative activities involve the dreaming up of wondrous possibilities when nothing in the present suggests their remote existence. Like inventors in search of the next big thing that question ‘what if?’ is followed by ‘why not?’ in the minds of these’ creatives’. Inspiration comes from everyday occurrences and what better pool of information for them than the news. There is hardly any news bulletin that does not report the death of at least two people somewhere in the world. ‘If it happened to them, it could happen to me’ is a reasonable conclusion to reach at the end of the news. Over the years, every accident and mishap that might occur during every activity under the heavens is stored in their minds ready to be recalled at the drop of a hat. Plane, trains and automobiles do crash as does the stock market, relationships end, property gets stolen, drinks get poisoned, friends turn enemies, businesses collapse as do buildings, relatives die, epidemics spring up, public funds are embezzled and conspiracies abound everywhere; the list is endless.  Musicians usually say the person with the biggest record collection has a better chance of coming up with new music. The same applies to fear. To do it creatively, the mind must store thousands of adverse outcomes so that they are effortlessly applied to any new scenario that might spring up. Practice then makes perfect and ingenuity starts to manifest over time. I once had a patient who was riddled with fear about Birmingham (located in the middle of England and furthest from the sea in any direction) being hit by a Tsunami.  One would expect coastal towns to worry about such. That is creativity for you. The mind is capable of conjuring up any eventuality no matter how unrealistic. Is that not why we watch movies; to view beautiful actors entertain us with the unrealistic and absurd all set to nice music emanating from brilliant minds?

The television and news is not enough though. Creative people need a circle of friends. I am sure most people would have noticed how the very good musicians hang out together as do the top sportsmen. This is what the late Napoleon Hill called the Master Mind group. To really excel in any field from the noble to the criminal you need the support of a group. They serve to reinforce your beliefs and give you inspiration to strive on to excellence. The fearful who wish to remain so will not hang out with the positive mental attitude ‘freaks’ who read autobiographies of people with courage and positive outcomes all day long. The fearful do not read such books. Horror movies, dramas that linger forever, day time talk shows with guests that do not inspire are the staple diet of those who fear. They desperately want to see people who confirm to them what they fear; that life is unfair, life is tough and bad things happen so what is the point in striving for anything different? These day time shows will always have someone lying about affairs, paternity or drug use. The lie detector is always star of the show. A group of people who watch these programmes will remain paranoid, unadventurous (as adventurers die) and ultimately depressed.

The final nail in the coffin of the fearful is what separates the infant creative from the sages of this petrified lifestyle. One does not become a master in a field by being diligently intentional in applying ones abilities alone. True greatness comes through the vehicle of premonition. Knowing for sure that doom is at hand and getting doom hours before the expected date of arrival. Few attain to this level and this class of people are a sight to behold. You will be scared having them around to your house because appliances will erupt in flames and all they would do is smile knowingly, stroke their beards or hair extensions and say quietly, ‘I knew it’. They fear every activity will go wrong and like an industrial magnet they attract very bad thing.

Now, what is the solution to creative fearing?

1. Ditch your Master Mind group; change your phone number and move house if necessary.
2. Stop watching the TV for two months and undergo a negative news feed detox
3. Stop clicking on links on the web promising beheadings by Jihadist or wild animals eating human beings.
4. Never talk about what you fear

Dr Wilson Orhiunu

Babawilly

6-10-2014

PhD Holders from UniDisco

Self –appointed cleaner roam to and fro seeking to ‘wipe’ smiles off faces. The smile is a dirty thing to them so armed with training from the University of Discouragement aka UniDisco they hit the road with their GPS with tells them where the merriment is taking place. PhDs (Pull him down) awarded them at UniDisco helps to boast their confidence in their -insertion of san-san into your Garri – mission, for nothing empowers a Naija like a Diploma. The best place to work is on your parade. As you smile with your guards down, these agents of gloom with abilities to conjure up a tropical storm in the Sahara will unleash acid rain on your parade leaving you with bad memories.

The art of Good- times termination will always be practiced. It has its uses. Resistance is always good for growth. Gyms worldwide are founded on the principle of resistance. If everyone agrees with you and your muscles you will never get stronger. These party wreckers will get to you unless you learn how they operate. Forget why they operate. That solves nothing. They are ubiquitous like gravity so just work with them to your advantage and get on with life.

Methods in discouragement

1.       Citation of a historical fact aimed at inducing fear. E.g. while celebrating the purchase of a high performance motor bike or car they throw in a comment about how someone died driving at high speed a few years ago.  Don’t think about what they have said. It’s rain on your parade. Wade through the puddles.

2.       Twisting statistics against you. E.g. On the day you open your new business someone decides to talk about the failure rate of new businesses in the first twelve months.

3.       Be little your talents. This can be done indirectly by being very generous with praise about giants in your field but making no comment about you. Sometimes your best efforts are put down by recalling better efforts from the past.  E.g.  You take someone to a restaurant and they tell you about the amazing restaurant they went to three years ago throughout the meal.

4.       Show you kindness and let you know you will probably fail. They do this as they cannot bear to see you cry when the inevitable happens to the unprepared. They may agree with your attempts at stardom and recall a few names of people who started like you and made it. But in kindness they tell you, ‘with due respect’, that the people who succeeded were all geniuses (and they keep silent about their estimation of your capabilities). You have just been hit by the Peace extinguisher for that seed of doubt eats into your confidence till you find it difficult to sleep.

5.       The direct approach.

a.       You get threatened by a friend who promises to end the relationship if you continue to spend so much time to better yourself

b.      You are told to your face that you wrongly think you are special

c.       You educational needs are exposed and the needed lessons are offered, E.g. ‘I will teach you are lesson for trying to go above your station’ someone might say when you announce your next move.

d.      Geographical experts pretend to come to your aid by vowing to put you in your place, as you have apparently gotten lost due to your wandering ambitious mind climbing the palm tree beyond the last leaf. (I believe I can fly!)

e.      Some cannot be bothered to send down the acid rain. They just aim to kill you and later get around to raining on the funeral.

6.       They remind you of your previous ventures that crashed. Negative memories are recalled quite well. If all our examinations were about painful and shameful incidents from our past, we would all have first Class certificates. No one forgets shame and thinking on past disgraces paralyses all present day cognition and actions.

7.       They remind you of your grandfather, father and relatives’ collective failures.’ No one in this family has ever done this. Why can’t you be humble and accept your lot in life with contentment?’ they ask. (Na who know man na im dey kill man).

8.       They are lost for words and just laugh at you long and hard. Then they tell others who laugh longer and harder till they conclude with your medical diagnosis in disgust; ‘you are going mad mate’. (Ol’ boy, na so craze dey start o).

9.       Remind you of the arduous task ahead. ‘Have you thought about getting a lawyer?’ they ask and when you say you cannot afford a lawyer you see them shaking their head at the ‘fine mess’ you are about to build.

10.   They tell you to trust no one (but them) as the world is wicked. They ask if you have partners and you say yes (who ever does business on his own??). They then question you on your partner till they get to a question you cannot answer. They then shake their head and you feel like a foolish novice too green to do simple background checks.

11.   They make promises, not to invest in your business but to always be there for you if you need them (what they really mean is they would lend you money and a shoulder to cry on after the great inevitable flop).

12.   They maximise your misery by leveraging on their social networks to compound your discouragement. In other words they tell everybody they know about the foolish guy or girl with the foolish dreams and ill thought out plans. Now you risk running into people at parties or in taxis talking about you without knowing that you are the subject of the ridicule.

13.   They tell you what they see. Unfortunately it is always, ‘I don’t see that happening’.

The above are just some of the methods that will be thrown your way as you fight to get the prize. Just think like a prize fighter. If he has no good sparring partners, he actually pays good money to recruit some heavy hitters for he knows listening to the coach and dreaming about victory is not enough. You need opposition in your arena constantly to keep you on your toes. So when next the adverse prognosticators come around and start to throw left jabs of discouragement of right hooks of disillusionment, just know that it is part of your training.  Mohammed Ali we know, Tyson we know but who remembers the names of their sparring partners??

Babawilly

Dr Wilson Orhiunu

29-9-2014 

Will Power R Us

They say 95% of people have no written down goals or committed a life plan to paper. Of the remaining 5% with a plan only 2.8% of them go on to achieve their goals. Do the Maths; 97.2% of people are blowing in the wind. (Don’t you just hate it when someone tells you to do the maths and then does it before you can engage your brain??).  These surveys we read seem to point to the fact that people have no plans and the ones with plans have no results. Well in Nigeria we have a solution to these survey results. We just say, ‘not my portion’.

They say that birds of a feather hang out on the same telegraph lines. That appears selfish of them for if the 2.8% Club of achievers only talk to each other, how will we learn the secret behind their exclusive success? Now you do not have to believe what I say for it is purely speculation, but let us go on speculating. If really these 2.8% of people exist, I suspect they stop talking or quickly change the subject when an ‘outside’ happens to walk in on them. That means that if your richest friends always talk about Arsenal FC whenever you walk in, you need to be suspicious. They might have modified the conversation to fit those who have been judged to have no definite purpose in life and as soon as you leave for the loo they resume the talks about the $1 Billion loan from the World Bank. They might have judged their dreams too precious and delicate to risk having you pour words of foolishness and doubt on them. So are these true friends? They love you, just the way you are. They know you cannot like them go three days without sleep from meeting to meeting for you have perfected that ‘work- life-sleep’ balance tipped strongly in the direction of your bed. Are these people selfish for hiding their dreams and work ethic from you? (Bearing in mind that someone once called one of them a workaholic for going back to work after Christmas dinner and it hurt them).

Is it fair that Billionaires hang out together and Millionaires eat dinner together? One man once told me of how he went shopping with someone. Their conversation went well till they got to the shops and he began to pick the things his wife had ordered, bags that cost about £500 an item. His friend started complaining that these bags cost more than his salary and it was a waste of money. The shopping trip had to be terminated for there were items on the list that cost £2000 and my friend did not want anyone to curse him secretly. He returned to finalise his shopping alone the next day. He also vowed never to mention work or money with anybody below his level ever again and he also decided to shop alone till the end of his days.

They say that people do not bother with life goals because they fail to achieve even simple New Year resolutions. Six months into the year about 90% of New Year resolutions are all but dead and gone. Why plan when failing will only make you feel bad? People still keep planning though. Even if not bold enough to write dreams down, some still ask, ‘what if?’, and ‘why not?’ Day dreaming about riding in a nice car is a kind of plan. The first steps. People see things, watch adverts and ponder if these could be their reality. These are all the vestiges of plans.

So why are there so few people going from dreams, to written downs goals and finally to ultimate achievement of desired goals?

ANSWER-   Bringing things to past appears to be just plain hard and time consuming.

There are other things which give short term returns on our time and effort. These things are the sweet nothings of life. These are the temptations that provide a ‘sensible’ alternative to a hard existence.

For those who grew up learning that a bird in hand is worth ten in the bush the promise of pleasure a few months down the road seems absurd. What if we don’t live that long? Now is the only time we have truly got after all.

The short term sweet things always give the senses value for money and time. Resisting their alluring call means gratification is delayed. Now delaying gratification is the key to all achievements. It is a choice we all have to make and will power is needed to make a choice for the long term. Buy now pay later versus invest- now and profit later.

We all have the will power to delay gratification and achieve long term gains. For those who do not just pretend you do and marry someone who does.

Will Power R Us.

Babawilly

Dr Wilson Orhiunu

19-9-2014