I received a telephone call from Lagos last week. A friend
was speaking to me sat in a dark room because there was no light and no fuel
for the electricity generator. At the end of the call he had a request. He
wanted me to buy a copy of a particular motivational book that had just hit the
market. I agreed to grant the request but as soon as I put the phone down I
began to ask myself if those books work in Lagos. One would think that having
no electricity was motivating enough. These books are written for a first
world audience with electricity and running water, in other words people
who have voted in officials into power who can deliver on their promises. They
are the privileged ones too relaxed to hustle and thus in need of
motivation. How can a man in Lagos in a hot dark room who has been
slapping mosquitoes all night tell me he needs an American to ‘motivate’ him to
start hustling? Proximity to the equator surely means you are primed for
action. No bi who e pain go draw bodi near fire?
The basic physiological needs of life such as food, water
and clean air must be desired and acquired without the aid of a motivational
guru. If yu wan die, no breathe na. Security and housing are also
necessities so important that people usually do not rest till these things
acquired. If it itches, scratch it. Reading motivational books is just
like watching the Champion’s League football. Looking at fit people running
themselves into more fitness and wealth does not make you fitter or richer. It
is a mere distraction from depressing ‘matters on the ground’ like a lack of
vision or the absence of courage and fortitude.
Self-help books are not new. There used to be this
book that I heard so much about in the late 70s; How to approach girls and
win their love. I never read it but was tutored by those who did. That book
sef was a waste of time. Whether the book has been read or not, once the DJ
plays the track, you didn’t need motivating to walk across and say ‘excuse me
dance’. (I wonder who invented that line). In today’s world depending on who
has your ear, everybody is in need of motivation. Even those doing well could
do better. The main stars in the motivational industry are Americans and they
have electricity and other comforts that make writing books easier. Now how
does one with light know how to motivate one without light? Is motivation
trans- cultural? Shouldn’t the Nigerians write their own books? Who moved my
cheese ke? In Naija? We should be reading Who moved my ewa? Or Na who
wan put san-san for mai garri? I know the US hip hop artists make beats
that make Naijas dance and Oprah inspires no end but can their guys motivate
us? The titles don’t resonate ra ra. Chicken soup for the soul is
lost in the translation as it lands in Murtala Mohammed international airport.
More appropriate would be Pepper soup for the mind (less facts and fat make
pomon thick as Eboh bomb will say). Then there is the daddy of them
all. Rich Dad, Poor dad. That is rich (excuse pun abeg). Na who papa dem dey
call poor? A complete lack of traditional sub Saharan respect.
Come to think of it, with the high unemployment rate one
would expect titles like Poor dad unemployed dad. Poor dad ritual dad, poor dad
419 dad or poor dad poor dad but I better pass my neighbour by God’s grace. Let
a naija man write a book in which he calls his father poor in every chapter and
he will be surmoned home for a family meeting. He would be accused of biting
the fingers that fed him Mr Biggs.
The Naija is a hustler abeg. I know this. I get five
marriage proposals every day from romantic 419s in search of a mugun to part
with his cash.
Ehen, when I was last in Lagos, I saw the street vendors
selling Think and grow rich by Napoleon Hill. I grabbed my copy, for I
need motivating myself and it was a good deal. I have since covered the book
with plain brown paper as I do not want to appear desperate. Have you noticed
how people crank their necks to read the titles of books or magazines you are
holding?
I saw this one, the seven habits of highly effective
people at Yaba. Hmmm. I didn’t buy joor as I knew their habits already. 1.
They travelled with police escorts who went ahead of them clearing traffic. 2.
They had a chronological age and an official age 3. They were Church or Mosque
members by day and Ogboni by night. 4. They had leg in Abuja (Contacts). 5.
Their wives and girlfriends never met. 6. They brush their mouths before
using it and flushed the toilets after using it. 7. They were featured in
glossy magazines. There you have it. I don’t need an American to tell me the
habits of the people I see daily. Notin do mai eyes. There are other ye ye
titles too o. How to win friends and influence people –naija
answer; brown envelope and if na party spray dem wen they dance. Have the
great body you deserve- naija answer; I have that body already. Rare
to see a case of anorexia among the 167 Million people in Naija as we have
fitted clothes that conceal or enhance the bulges. Agbada for apku belle and
blouse and wrapper for orobo curvaceous beautiful naija babes. Anorexia kini?
Eat expensive Chinese food and vomit it out for wetin? When the bill was 18K?
Na lie o. Whatever body you have is your dream bodi. If yu no like complexion
yu bleach. We don’t need books for that.
Motivational books cannot courage give. Rather it can become
the procrastinator’s tranquilising tonic read from the safety of a cosy
armchair which is free from risk or danger. The only perilous threat
encountered is that of the £10 book being uninteresting after the third
chapter. These imported titles are all like Hollywood block busters or
Nollywood hut busters sef. The Quantum leap strategy ke? Bros,
abeg fashie that one and go for anointing service jare as power must change
hands and your miracle will locate you. The power of positive thinking
for where? Power of focus when power no dey? Secrets of the
millionaire mind abi? All these books are written by people who have obeyed
the 10,000 hours rule of hustle. They have practiced their art for 10,000 hours
and are now unconsciously competent at what they do. They have paid their
dues over the years but now need a new holiday home and have written a book for
muguns to buy. There is definitely a place for apprenticeships at the feet of
wise people who have gone before, but even in an apprenticeship you arrive at
the place of work before oga arrives and wash his car. You don’t roll over in
bed and expect the guru to come and wake you up. You stand by the guru’s side
and watch the guru labour all night and you learn the meeting of sleepless nights
first hand.
Speaker positions at motivational conferences are the
rewards of successful risk taking. That is why they get paid and you pay to get
in. They have the courage and you experience the cash haemorrhage. While they
clean up, you get pumped up. These conferences are pure entertainment, no
different from going to the circus or watching a dance act. People even request
signed copies of books afterwards. If that is not show biz hero worship then
what is?
Even the Bible teaches that Joshua was told by God to BE
COURAGEOUS. Read the Bible, meditate on it day and night but be courageous No
book helps you overcome that inertia you have derived from the fear of failure
or help you see the hidden opportunities within your grasp. This is why TED
talks have an advantage. The speakers who have achieved something give talks
that are both inspirational and instructional. You get tips on how to go out
and make your ideas happen. No idle dreaming. Yes, the world belongs to
dreamers but only to those who wake up early after the dreaming session and
hustle. Ted events are better than talk shows. Say you watch Elon Musk on a Ted
talk, objective insights into how his mind works will be on show. On a talk
show however they will probably interview his wife, show the kids and soon
everyone gets emotional, entertained and inspired without learning anything
they can apply to their lives.
Anyway, if a naija man is stood in the sun and needs a
motivational book to know he should buy an umbrella or seek shade under a tree
or perhaps buy a car, then he is beyond redemption. In a land that can devour
its inhabitants from time to time, being unmotivated can be a risk to your life
whether you know the richest man in Babylon or not.
Babawilly
Dr Wilson Orhiunu
4/4/2014
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