Greek and Roman Juju

The dominant culture has a monopoly on history. They also name everything to their liking. Just look at the Greeks with their mythology. Every planet is named after a Greek or Roman juju. (Is mythology not juju?)

Apart from the Earth, the Sun and Moon, the Greek and Roman jujus have a name on every rotating lump of stone. For an example just look at Neptune a name the Romans gave to the Greek juju of the seas and earthquakes that had Poseidon on his original birth certificate.

There are planets called Venus the Roman goddess of beauty, Mars the Roman god of war (if a relative of Mars bar chocolate I will eat no more), Saturn the Roman god of agriculture, Jupiter the chief juju of all Roman jujus and his Greek counterpart Uranus. (Who is to say that Jupiter and Uranus are not the same person holding two passports illegally?)

Pluto has little light being so far from the sun and it is also called Hades. This planet is named after the Roman god of the dark underworld. Nigerians would have called Pluto by a better name which is Nepa (Defunct National Electric Power Authority).

Mercury is the Roman god of travel, commerce and 419. Mercury’s nickname is Hermes (Please check the prices of Hermes bags).

On the day these names were chosen someone looked at these planets and felt that they reminded him of mythological figures. Now the whole world has to call these planets that belong to no nation on Earth names dictated to them by the ones living in the dominant culture of the day.

Well we can change the names as they are not set in stone. And while on the topic of stones, how in the world did a Mountain in Morocco acquire a name like Atlas mountain? I grew up thinking that some poor fellow on crutches had walked for months to the summit and on getting there screamed, ‘Here at last, here at last, thank God almighty I am here at last’. (Apologies to MLK.Jnr).

Imagine my dismay to find out that Atlas was not derived from ‘at last’ but was named after Atlas, the cursed Titan who lead the battle against the gods of Olympus and lost. The loser Titan was sent to Africa to hold up the sky. He had a child called Calypso and for some strange reason Perseus wanted to make sure Atlas never left his post, so he showed him the severed head of Medusa which turned him into stone; the present day Atlas Mountains.

This is how dysfunctional European gods are deported to Africa to bring bad luck! Just imagine Africans travelling to the Alps and renaming Mont Blanc Mountain Shango. Yet we have names in Africa like Lake Victoria and Victoria Island. For what? These names need changing and don’t even tell me it would be a Herculean task.

I just cannot get over the fact that Atlas the Titan god of endurance and astronomy has a Mountain in Africa. I move that we temporarily rename that mountain Mount Viagra (endurance and seeing stars no ni) till we can come up with a better name. Those Moroccans sef. Dem just siddon dey look.

Another thing is the West African coast line has the Atlantic Ocean on its doorstep. Dis Atlas rig election abi na wetin? How did he acquire a Mountain and an ocean? We might as well call it Shiloh Ocean or Yemoja Ocean but we just have to drop this Atlantic name.

Back to the planets, I have some suggestions. Venus could be changed to Osun second wife of the former the Oba of Oyo called Shango. I hear she was a beauty Queen in her day. Jupiter can be called Orunmila, a Nigerian juju of Wisdom and medical know how who must have gone to Harvard and Uniben. The rest of the planets and their moons and stars can be named after the twelve tribes of Israel. Come to think of it, Angels Michael and Gabriel should get a planet each. (I know you have all read Scramble for Africa by Thomas Pakenham. Well the scramble just went into outer space. You are witnessing the scramble for the Solar system by Babawilly).

Apart from the planets the Greek jujus have cornered sports. The biggest sporting event in the world is named after the hangout of Zeus, Hermes, Aphrodite, Apollo et al which was Mount Olympus. If I could change the world, I would make the games the Blessing games. As for space travel out of the USA, Apollo seems to have cornered that market. In his day Apollo was a healer and was famed to have daily moved the Sun across the sky in his four wheeled chariot (he didn’t tell anyone that the Sun was static while the Earth revolved around it).

The world has many peoples and beliefs and this should be reflected in the naming of heavenly landmarks. I for one do not want the heavens above my head named after jujus.

And while I am at it, that is my complaining mood, just what is the point of having Egyptian corpses on display in the British Museum.

Egyptian mummies? I am not interested in looking as their dead bodies. A write up and photographs will do. Now who in today’s world goes into a country to exhume their royal corpses, then take the ‘dead body illegal aliens’ into a foreign land with no passports. Every country has its royal graves and no one is allowed to exhume them just because they have bright and wonderful coffins. That is not scientific study but grave raiding. But if the countries involved decide to have a bilateral agreement allowing Kings, Chiefs, Obas, Pharaohs’ and Queens to be dug up and displayed in museums around the world, the people will call for a referendum. Rest in peace should mean just that.