Live to a Hundred

 (Pictured is D Day Veteran Harry Billing (This is not Mr C))

I recently met the amazing Mr C and had to share. The 77 year old ex- army man said to me, ‘I will live to a hundred’.
 Not many are  confident of their longevity so I became interested in this man and what he had to say. He touched no wood as he predicted the length of his days thus igniting my curiosity so I probed.

He gave me the short version of his CV.

At eleven years of age he was knocked off his bike by a speeding car and was uninjured.

Soon he was off to join the army and was shot in Egypt while guarding evacuees during the Suez Canal crisis of 1952. The left shoulder flesh wound did not slow him down and he was soon off to Cyprus to participate in the Cyprus- Turkey hostilities. While travelling in a convoy in Cyprus his lorry hit a mine and he was sat on the roof at the time. His flight through the air ended on soft bushes and he soldiered on.

His next posting was in Ireland and again his lorry was bombed. Again he was seated on the roof and off he flew into some road side marshy land. (At this stage I began to doubt if these things really happened).

On discharge from the army he was working on a roof and fell to the ground head first but survived. (Starting to sound like Nigeria).

One day while going to work on his push bike, he was projected into the air by a lorry. He landed, dusted himself and went to work! He was about 35 years old. (Please note that Mr C is no code name for Clarke Kent)

Five year later while on a motor bike, he was hit by a lorry and broke no bones.

In 1981, he thought it was surely the end. Diagnosed with Stomach Cancer he ventured to know the prognosis. ‘You have just six months’ he was told.

He claims that originally his surgery was to be performed by an understudy to the Chief Surgeon but he said, ‘The chief surgeon must have seen something in me, so he decided to do the operation himself’. Having been relieved of his stomach, spleen and various lymph nodes, he recovered. Unfortunately, the Chief Surgeon who incidentally was suffering from the same Stomach condition as Mr C went in for surgery the next day but did not make it. He was wheeled out of the operating theater dead.

So, what is the secret of living to a hundred?

When you get knocked down, stand up promptly and you just might get a chance. A dose of PMA, (positive mental attitude) also helps.

Mr C was over flowing with PMA.  His last words to me before he left were, ‘I will make it to a hundred. You will see me, er, if you are still around’. 
Eh! God forbid bad thing. ‘Of course I will be around’!! I replied almost too enthusiastically.
After all, Dia ris God on my side and He is willing!

Babawilly

Dr Wilson Orhiunu

27-8-2014

Story Telling Default Settings

Story telling default setting

There is a topic that ignites passion like no other in a person. This is what they talk best about. This is an arena in which they swim effortlessly like a shark in water. Until that topic is hit upon you might find them dull and lacking in charisma.

Everyone has an individual core purpose, a driving force that causes them to have an affinity for some stories.  Over the years they load themselves with these topics and soon start to ‘leak’ at times they least expect.  Start a conversation with people and if you hang around for long enough, the conversation drifts slowly to their preferred area of interest. It could be anything from their bad luck to their family wealth.

I first thought about people and their stories during a sermon by Joel Osteen of the Lakewood Church during which he said, ‘I heard about a man..’ and went on to tell a story to aid the understanding of his sermon.  Subsequently I noticed that in every sermon he says things like ‘I was reading about someone’, ‘heard about someone’ or ‘talking to someone in the church’ who had a story to tell. I began to wonder way he was always the one who heard about all these stories. (Na only you waka come phenomenon) Was it that he hears an equal number of good and bad stories but only re tells the good ones? On looking around, I found out that friends and family all have their specialist areas of storytelling which seemed to attract more of such stories to them.  Everyone is a story teller after all. Is that not what a Curriculum Vitae is all about?

Fanny Crosby, speaking about herself in the Hymn Blessed Assurance puts it best

This is my story; this is my song,
praising my Saviour all the day long;

I was shocked to find out that the lady who wrote so many important Christian hymns was blind. The strength of her tenacity is undeniable seeing that she wrote about 8,000 hymns and from what can be gathered from biographical sources she had just one story to tell; which she did through her music.

Everybody has something they do all day long and this activity becomes their story.  Napoleon Hill says, Sow an act and reap a habit, sow a habit and reap a character, and sow a character and reap a destiny.  No matter what people might say they wish for or want, it is the daily acts performed consistently that their future success depends upon.

Can one change one’s story?

I think (and I may be wrong) that the chances of changing an individual story are close to zero. Not because it is impossible but just because people do not like change. What happened in childhood is taken as an excuse for how we are, (till death do us part from excuses). Take someone who did not apply himself well in school and left with no qualifications. Such an individual begins to tell people that he had little education so as to be excused from doing academically demanding work. That story becomes a habit and would be re-told for sixty years or more. Such a person could have educated himself in fifteen years rather than complain or lament the lack of an education for sixty years. The same goes for people who say that their family or culture prevents them from doing things. These are people could be in their twenties and would have known their families for only twenty something years. Surely they could easily learn a new culture over the next twenty years. Is childhood learning set in stone?

Perhaps the story could change if the story teller embraces a two-fold change. First he changes his appetite and learns to dine in the libraries of new information. Secondly he stops telling the old stories and start his tentative steps in the journey of a new language. It almost like the change I underwent from being an A-level student to being a medical student. The language of anatomy was as tough to grasp as was indeed the actual technical information. We talked about it all day long, dived deep into the aqua of knowledge (as one Nigerian politician is fond of saying)cracked jokes about it (the smallest girl in the class was cruelly called  Flexor digiti minimi brevis after one of the smallest muscles in the hand) and dreamt about it, till the exams were passed.  Transformational change is painful but possible.

The Voice

Stories are told in a voice that tends to remain constant. The voice may break at puberty but it still retains its core characteristics throughout life. Is nature sending out a secret message by giving us just one voice in a life time? Could it be that we have similarly just one story to tell? Just one main mission for which we are born? Even in writing, novelists have a ‘voice’. It rarely changes upon reaching maturity. Sometimes out of necessity, one could adopt a different voice through mimicry but it never lasts. The true voice and story must be found before one can really find peace in life.

Old friends

Meeting up with old friends can be very interesting. Incidents long forgotten are brought up which usually go on to prove that people have changed little over the years. They might have acquired more money and weight while losing hair in the process but they still drift to the topics they loved way back in the boys’ dormitory. They may have lacked the courage to pursue their dreams in a given sphere of life but even in their bitter complaining, they drift to that sphere and complain about something there. The successful entrepreneur tells stories about all the mutual friends with successful businesses while the dissatisfied failed business man rolls out a list of ex class mates who are either struggling or have died.

Shut up for change

Forgetting the things behind I press on (Philippians 3:13). Just don’t talk or think about the nasty past or associate with anyone inclined to do so. Keep the mouth shut and focus on the new so that the future will bring a new story and a sweet glory.

Babawilly

Dr Wilson Orhiunu

23-8-2014

Good News Tax

Good news is best served hot. The one who first tell the King about an event that gladdens his heart gets a reward. It does not even matter if the tale bearer did nothing to help accomplish the event. For being the news man he collects his tax. Likewise, those sat around the King when good tidings fall on his ears place taxation on the resultant royal jollity.

The wine vaults are commanded to be opened and everyone present becomes a beneficiary of the royal largess. Some lucky chiefs might even get to keep the golden goblets when the party is over.

All good news is taxed. All attainment is greeted with smiles that progress to mouths held wide open in expectation of food and choice drinks.

Take my friend Joe B who got home one night all smiles. He told his lady he had been promoted and that his promotion had been back dated twelve months causing accountants to deposit £20,000 into his bank account. They had a good night fuelled by the happiness that unexpected windfalls bring. The next morning, his lady’s shoes looked a bit too old as did her car. Her skin also developed a strange itch usually suffered by those lacking in exotic holidays. By the time he changed her wardrobe, car and booked the flight for a holiday of a lifetime he was heavily leaning on his credit cards. He has been hit by Good news tax.

What is the solution you ask? Simple. Domestic Tax Evasion.

Follow these principles and your life will be sweeter when good fortune hits your shores

1. You will not burst if you do not tell. Good new sometimes behaves like an expanding chewing gum that is destined to be spat out. The truth is that  with discipline it can be kept in. If you win the lottery, tell no one,
2. Everyone was as happy as they would ever be before your Good news came into being. You do not need to cheer anyone up with your Good news. Let every man cheer himself up.
3. Don’t accept any interviews from journalists to tell about your fabulous life and achievements.
4. If you cannot cope with No 3, then launch a reality TV show and make money from talking about your Good news. That way you would afford the tax that would surely follow.
5. Launch a perfume range for your followers who think that smelling like you (that sweet smell of success) will actually make them successful.
6. Don’t feel guilty. Tax evasion is a crime in the eyes of the inland revenue (IRS) but merely a prerogative among friends and family.
7. Don’t change anything when sudden wealth arrives. Become more stingy.
8. If a broke guy pushes you out of the line and takes your place, be humble. Don’t throw you financial weight around.
9. Take acting classes; and act the part of the hard up pauper. Pretend to have no cash and always be in character. That way, no one approaches you to be the Angel investor in their half baked silly get-rich-never schemes.
10. Impulse investing is better than impulse buying
11. Boast your ego in ways other than spending. Be the guy who lifts the heaviest weights in the gym and tell everyone about it. Scream loudest when Messi scores. It is much cheaper being a die- hard Barca- for- life guy dressed in a bootleg strip. Never aim for having the hottest car on the block (Exceptions – see No 4).
12. Pay me 10% of your new found wealth for a one to one intensive course in Domestic Tax evasion. I know you are a man of faith and God did great things for you but, bros, shine eye before you testimony to wrong persin.

African Culture and Good news Tax.

In the book Things Fall Apart, Prof Chinua Achebe gave insights into aspects of Igbo culture. Men without titles where called Agbala (women). Now wealth was required for acquisition of titles and one got rich through the strength of ones hoe in the farm. The more yams produced the better were ones prospects. When good fortune came to a man by way of a mighty harvest of yams; the king of crops and he acquired titles, his wife wore on her ankles insignia of his titles that showed everyone that she was the wife of a titled man. She in other words collected Good news tax. A man could not hide his title from his wife so there was no Tax invasion possible. There was also no need for any domestic tax invasion as the man was boss and he did as he pleased with the family resources.

So one could argue that Good News tax is in keeping with African culture especially within the context of marriage and Domestic Tax evasion is not African behaviour.

I end with P Square….the guys who love to pay Good News Tax. You must chop my moni cos’ I get am plenti. Je m'appelle Chop moni!!!!!!

So choose this day who you are. A modern day Domestic tax evader or a romantic old school African. This relates only to home. Outside the home, no one should chop an African man’s money. As for African women, you will never see where they hide their money!!!! Osheee!!

Babawilly

Dr Wilson Orhiunu

19-8-2014

Jara Philosophy

Jara Philosophy

Hot off the mountain comes the sermon in Matthew 5 verse 41

 If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.

My thoughts today are on going the extra mile. Pushing for more than ‘just enough’. I remember going to the market with my mum to buy food stuffs. She would agree a price, be given the wares but rather than be on our way, she would pause and ask for ‘fisi’. Fisi being the Yoruba word for ‘add to it’. The seller would then express surprise at this request for she was selling ‘at a loss’ already. The whole good natured banter bored me silly for I hated shopping (still do) and I am a firm believer in ‘Just Pay and leave the shop’ school of thought. But some folks always want more, sometimes because they really need more and at other times because they are just plain greedy. Christian teaching appears to suggest that both groups of people should be accommodated (and I am a Christian).

Those in need

This is the easy group to deal with. The need is usually obvious and if there is means to help then one should really help. We all remember the story of Oliver Twist from the Novel of the same name published in 1838. His meagre rations made him ask for more food and all hell broke loose.

Those in greed

Still on Charles Dickens we recall Oliver Twist again but this time as interpreted by Nigerian artist Dbanj.  In the song- Oliver Twist he sings about a desire and love for Nigeria’s most glamorous women on the grounds of being ‘just an Oliver’. Such ‘Olivers’ are the type who greet you with ‘anything for your boys’ for they have sized up your clothes and wrist watch then assumed you have money to ‘dash’ them.  They are the ones who believe they own inalienable rights to your wind fall.

These people have some money but they want more. They have girlfriends and wives but want more.  These people who want extra prey on their victims. They choose those susceptible to having their egos massaged with greets such as ‘biggest bros’ or those who might be soft enough to believe a good sob story. Having a reputation for being kind hearted thus would make you top on the ‘mugun list’. Now there is nothing wrong with being kind hearted or compassionate, however generosity has both rewards and untoward effects.

How would this world operate without people not going out on a limb for others through charity work, donations, advocacy for the voice less and good old financial help to those in difficulty. I suspect that if people stop giving out of the kindness of their hearts those things that are not expected of them for just 1 week, the world as we know it will cease. At every given time in every society, a percentage of people would be helpless. I have been helpless and dependent more than once in the past despite being educated and being in constant work for many years.

 

Personal Matters

Individuals decide if they want to push themselves harder when ambition demands of them going that extra mile. Waking earlier, sleeping latter, watching less TV, doing more exercise, reading more books, paying for classes, the list goes on. Some people do just the bare minimum to stay alive which is take 14 breathes a minute and drink 1.5 litre of fluids a day while others push themselves to the max daily. Everyone to his own; just be happy with your choices.

However, looking at role models one is always struck with how much they pushed themselves beyond the normal call of duty. That applies to every field. Incredible results usually are birth from incredible hustle. Take Winston Churchill for instance. He developed chest pains while staying over in the White House in December 1941 and his physician Dr Wilson (not me, I was attending to other matters at the time) diagnosed a Heart attack. The next day Winston Churchill kept on working. A case of ‘Get Victory or die trying’. The great push themselves to cover more ground. The mediocre take it easy and adjust their speed so that they just about make the one mile mark when it is legally ok to sign off.

 Those who do just what is required spit out these phrases, ‘do you best and leave the rest, Rome was not built in a day or Naija favourites,’ body no bi firework’,’ na who send me message?’ and ‘Man no fit die for government work’.  These are the ones who struggle with a quarter mile talk less or going an extra mile.

We all like people who hang around us to give us an emotional fisi, or financial fisi. Extra miles from friends are pleasurable to receive so it must be a good thing. Being the one going the extra mile for others is the hard job. Yet it appears to be the honourable thing to do. The philosophy of fisi is good. I will hereby go the extra mile and give you another word for fisi. And that my friends is Jara. Always give something extra in all your interactions. Don’t be worried about being called too keen or overzealous (effico). Just keep on giving 200%

Acts 20:35 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'

 

Babawilly

Dr Wilson Orhiunu

 

18-8-2014

Everybody is Beautiful

You have heard all about the ties that bind humanity. We have so many things in common. One of those things is a shared anatomy. I was so grateful that I did not have to learn African Anatomy, Asian Anatomy, and Caucasian Anatomy separately in medical school. It was just one Human Anatomy (and just one was more than enough). People share some many things in common and time will not permit a comprehensive list. Be that as it may, there is one thing that we all have in common and that one thing is beauty. Everybody is beautiful.

Physical Beauty is what springs to mind when this topic comes up. Beauty is one of the faster things the brain recognises. Articulate men are reduced to whistling when faced with the sight of a beautiful woman for the brain recognises the paragon pulchritude much quicker than the vocabulary stores can be mobilised. Some recognise beauty much faster than danger. When walking the streets people have been known to walk into on-coming traffic while gazing at the majestic shape of a pretty girl strutting her stuff in a pair of tight blue jeans. The chances of being tall, with good skin, fine teeth, a pretty face and a fantastic figure is so slim that those in possession of these assets easily stand out. Relative scarcity increases value after all. However, there are so many things going on ‘behind the scenes’ in the people we call beautiful. What if the skin and muscles were see-through?  That will make it possible to walk down the street with visual access to beating hearts, expanding lungs and moving intestines. The definition of beauty changes doesn’t it? Imagine being at the beach with an exposed chest with everyone is eyeing up your beating heart and making remarks about your left ventricle. Or what if someone walks up to you and says ’you have a pretty liver’. Now that would be something! The body is really for functioning and not primarily to look at. Legs are for movement so anyone walking or running has beautiful legs. The bum is for sitting on, so any one who sits comfortably is sitting pretty. If it is fulfilling its primary function, then the body is being beautiful. The internal anatomical beauty of a well- functioning body is the epitome of comeliness.

Metabolic Beauty

The salt and water composition of the body in the right balance is needed for things to function well. So while we might take pride in framing pictures taken from our ‘good sides’ on the wall, framed medical reports that speak of a normal Liver function or Kidney function and Glucose level could likewise  be framed as reminders of physiological loveliness. Beauty in one department leads to beauty in other departments. I remember a friend who was so proud of their seminal analysis tests results (sperm count) that he wanted to use it as his Facebook profile picture.  We (committee of friends) had to beg the eccentric fellow to choose a normal photograph or selfie like everyone else. His argument was that his medical report was the ultimate selfie as it spoke of his internal ‘self’. I see his point however.( It is now common place to publish ultrasound scans of pregnant wombs on Facebook after all). He was proud of his numerous foot soldiers. This individual didn’t have the looks of Brad Pitt but he had something he felt willing to express about himself from the cyber rooftops.

Miscellaneous Beauty

I was speaking to a lady about what she found attractive in men and what factors would influence her decision to settle down with a particular suitor. I was half expecting the usually T.D&H (Tall dark and handsome) but was surprised when she started to reel out a list. Clean driving licence or a good explanation for any points on the licence (Motoring Beauty), healthy bank balance (Financial Beauty), intelligence and wisdom (Cerebral Beauty), no criminal record or time in prison (Forensic Beauty) and his mother must not be a witch ( Maternal  Spiritual Beauty).  It is the beholder that determines what beauty is to them.  Since tastes and preferences vary immensely there is a target market for every living soul. In the beauty display window, there is room for everybody.

Aerobic Beauty

Some beauty is appreciated mainly because the beholder knows how hard it is for the beauty to be developed and expressed. Works of art such as paintings and sculptures created by ‘the Masters’ are prime examples. For me however, marathon runners move with miraculous beauty. Running the marathon distance of 42.2 Km in just over two hours is indeed beauty in motion. I run marathons in thrice the amount of time.  I don’t particularly care what a face looks like if the lungs and mitochondria make it possible to run like the wind over a long distance.

True-Grit Beauty

I find it beautiful to see determination and tenacity in people who could easily be forgiven if they gave up. This is such an inspiring beauty of character that is able to bring tears to the eyes. The wheel chair race in the London Marathon really inspires. To see people with problems with their legs or spines committing to training and competing tells us all that human beings are beautiful

The Perceived Beauty Deficiency Epidemic

Everyone seems to have a strong need to project beauty. Many feel inadequate and lacking in beauty. The millions of plastic surgery operations each year attest to that fact. Some people feel unhappy if they cannot afford the operations on bodies destined to be on the menu of the cemetery earthworms in a few years. Vanity or vanities if you ask me.  Watching too many images on TV of ‘perfect bodies’ could be a cause for this. But are these air brushed  people on TV really perfect? Reality TV shows have writers and directors. Actresses have hand doubles, leg doubles, and chest doubles while actors have stunt men and doubles for many scenes. In the words of the song by Imagination called Illusion, the whole of show business is could be described as  ‘just an illusion’. Trying to model one’s life and looks on illusions is a mission impossible; a bridge too far.

The Solution

A mass media images detox is the way forward. Read no magazines, watch no films or TV and stick to the radio for three months. Spend time in nature. Spend hours watching the clouds, the ocean, the grass and the birds and spend very little time in front of the mirror. Listen to music but watch no music videos. Soon the in-built beauty thermostat will be reset and everybody becomes beautiful in our eyes, including you. You would have woken up your inner sleeping beauty.

Babawilly

Dr Wilson Orhiunu

8-8-14

Loving ,seeking and generating Fun

Like it is for Heat, so it is for Fun; some love it, some seek it and some generate it. Once in a long while one comes across someone who does all three permanently and this is usually a character in a movie. The reverse can be true also as a few people hate heat, run away from it and apply the air conditioners at the drop of a hat. Should the air conditioners be faulty they have a bucket of cool water permanently on standby to douse any fun fuelled embers threatening to break the dour existence that surrounds them.

So what is fun? Well Bob Dylan says, I paraphrase- the answer is blowing in the farts. I don’t know what fun is but I know the experience. It is that aimless activity that makes one smile. Pillow fighting, telling silly stories, water pistol fights, pop corn fights or running after friends on the beach without a plan of what you would do when you catch them.  How do you define this meaningless pleasurable activity?

We all know that we experience fun in the company of some people and it tends to be the same people others experience fun with. I tried to ask myself what made me have fun when I was in the company of people and it was hard to answer. I decided to conduct an experiment and see if during the course of my week I felt a sense of fun when engaging with the different personalities I met. I tried to note what exactly made the interaction fun. It soon became obvious that fun is in the eyes of the beholder as people who I deemed fun might not appear as fun to others. Perhaps this was more a test of my perceptions.

Experiment

First man who made a mark on the fun meter was a guy who said, ‘I am very good at picking losers’ in respect to his ‘little gambling habit’. He had done the horses for many years and won close to nothing.

He obviously was not afraid to poke fun at himself and that made him fun.

Lesson learnt- those who don’t take themselves too seriously are fun.

Next guy was one with a negative fun quotient. Argumentative, challenging all my explanations. Asking ’probing questions’ that I could see through before he even opened his mouth. He tried so hard to put me down through the disguise of questioning every single thing I said. I kept on answering and in the end he left.  (Over the years I have come to learn the subtle difference between questions asked for information and questions asked to catch you out).

Lesson learnt- people trying to get one up on you intellectually are not fun

Then comes the Positive Fun lady was someone who told me about her kindness. She went on a holiday with a party of deaf people to help them with sign language and speaking. I was so impressed with her kind heartedness I felt she was fun to speak to

Lesson learnt -Kind people are always fun to be with.

Next up is the drama queen. She made me feel I was Jeremy Kyle. Most definitely the most disorganised person I have met this year. She spoke of all her dramas nonstop and could not remember any essential information about herself. She blamed he wicked mischievous conniving daughter in law for all her woes. She even went as far as questioning the paternity of her grandson. It was just too much. Of course none of her problems were her responsibility. Her son too was exempt of blame. It was the lady who tricked him into marriage that wrecked all the havoc. (Na so!)

Lesson learnt- Drama is not fun.

Next I recall a gentleman who had just returned from an all-expense paid holiday and had loved it. He spoke of the cost, the nice building, the daily sweet sessions in the pool and the joy of mixing with family members.

Lesson learnt– Grateful people are fun. They are thankful for what they enjoy and recount their pleasurable experiences more than their depressing stories. They value good memories and talk about them in a way that warms the heart.

Next is the Lady who complained about every single thing under the heavens. It was nonstop complaining.

Lesson learnt- listening to someone complaining is no fun.

Conclusion of the Fun matter

It seems that the grateful people who are very thankful for everything they get are the most fun to be around. They feel they are privileged to have received what they have and think about how fortunate they are all day long. That in turn leads them to talk about these points of blessing constantly.

Fun observations: Day out in Glasgow

Sitting in the Botanical gardens in Glasgow on a warm summer’s day I saw the chief generators of fun in action. These are the children. They ran around screaming and laughing but the running had no purpose. The sprinklers were turned and rotated slowly and spraying out water on the flowers. Kids ran under the water and screamed in delight (Don’t they have water at home?). This is the same thing that makes kids watch a film six times a day and still find it funny. Their sense of wonder is always fresh and alive even with something they have experienced a hundred times. Looking at the sky and beholding the clouds is exciting for kids. The moon is magical and the stars are wonderful at night. Even when there is little fun to be extracted from an activity they create the fun, usually conjured out of thin air.

The ice cream van chimed and the kids dragged their parents to queue for ice-cream. Once the ice cream cone was in their hands they licked at it like it was the best thing in the world. The adults on the other hand sat, hiding behind dark wearing sun glasses and just looked. No screaming, no smiling no silliness, and no fun. In one section of the park some had stripped down for a tan. This was business. They just laid back and thought of England (Or Scotland?).

Kids will generate fun out of nothing. They don’t take themselves seriously. They will play with kids they have just met without even knowing their names. They would share their ice creams without a care for hygiene. They have lived too short a life to accrue any dramas or debts and so have nothing to complain about.

Final lesson- if you want to be more fun, you need to behave like a child

Babawilly

Dr Wilson Orhiunu

2-8-14